I would love to say I have had a great summer but the truth is it has been a very disappointing one for me .I try hard to keep up a cheerful and happy spirit especially for the newbies but sometimes one must face the times in life that are not so great and talk about them to the people who will be kind, caring and supportive ....that would be you my Ex -family !
First all winter I looked forward to my Daughter Melanie's visit in June then her marriage broke up and she had to cancel her vacation with me but I was happy that she was moving back to the East Coast ( from Michigan ) and would now be in Ma. and closer to where I live . (NH )
My Grandson with his wife and children came with her and all came to see me for 1 day ,this was the best day of the summer and I am so grateful that I finally got to meet his wife and my two great grand kids Thomas and Aubrey .
I was going to go on a vacation to see my Melanie in Taunton my son Jacob and my sister Diane on Cape Cod and then to my Martha's Vineyard Island to visit one of my Grandson's at least for the day ,that was before I got sick with a digestive problem that would not quit . Went to the MD and was diagnosed with lyme disease ....again,the second time I have had it .I have been feeling so tired, weak , achy, and stomach issues continue and now made worse by the antibiotics .Therefore , I decided to change the date from August 9th to the end of August meanwhile my daughter suddenly ( not so sudden really, but to long a story to go into here ) decided to move back to Michigan !At first she was going to wait a few weeks and I would still be able to see her before she left but then very suddenly she was on her way ...saw she posted a picture on fb of the highway sign Welcome To New York I just wanted to cry because I was so looking forward to seeing her this summer . When you get to be my age you not only feel your days are numbered but you really KNOW it and I may not ever see her again in this life.
Life really has been bittersweet . All of our days are not happy days but I am happy about my quit ! There have been days this summer when I just wanted to say they heck with it all and lite up a cigarette and then I push through and feel so glad that I didn't !
I know lighting up would not change any of the above disappointments.
I am so grateful for all of you and I am so glad that feeling accountable to all of you has kept me from relapsing ! The last thing I would want to do is to go back to Day 1 !!!
I am sorry to post such a negative blog but I am ,at the same time happy that I can come here and just be real about how I am feeling . Thanks for being here
Love Bonnie oxox