Day One, Part One

Blog Post created by Bdwallhau on Feb 27, 2018

It's funny, but I woke with a smile on my face this morning. That NEVER happens on any day, let alone on a day I'm nervous about. I guess I was more excited than I realized.


Last night, I fell asleep before my husband came to bed. When he did come to bed, he inadvertently woke me up. I had trouble going back to sleep. I felt panicky for a minute, thinking it was morning and I couldn't smoke. Then I realized it was just 11 p.m. I went downstairs to smoke. I threw the pack away after, but I had a hard time getting back to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how difficult things would be the next day, and praying I'd be strong enough (this time) to get through it.


Then, awake at 6:20 with that smile. Totally unexpected, but a definite gift. I put the lozenge in my mouth. 40 minutes later, and the thing was STILL THERE. I had hoped to put other things in my  mouth: tea, a little breakfast, the water I love. It threw my new routine off, but I rolled with it.  By 7:10, I had to spit the remaining bit out and move on. 


Made it through a three-hour directors' meeting at work. It's a weekly meeting that typically finishes around lunch. I usually bolt out and can't wait to get in the car and smoke on my way to lunch. Instead, since today was so sunny and pretty, I took my book to a local park and read for a while. Came back, had lunch at my desk, put another lozenge in there, and moved on.


It's mid-day now, and I'm feeling a little antsy. Nice texts from my sister, my husband, and EX have helped. My sister's text included a GIF of what she calls a "craving dance" she wants me to do anytime I have an urge. A loving, sweet thought from someone who has clearly never smoked and never had to stop smoking (because my sanity would be questioned if I danced that much at work). Plus, well, my mid-section hasn't moved like that since about 1994. Ha!


I expect the last part of the day to be hardest. But, you know what? I feel better than I thought I would, at least up to this point. I'm a little amazed and how much better my breathing feels already.


Thanks for every word of encouragement so far. 


Now on to the last 8 hours or so of today, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time.