Forgot to mention that this time I'm also nicotine free & it seems to be helping me mentally. On my last attempt (9 days), I had used a lot of nicotine gum/lozenges & I think that kept it elevated in my mind. I know it's brainwashing now, but I had a long held belief that nicotine was not the bad guy in the smoking equation. In my mind it was a miracle drug that helped you both relax & made you more alert (whichever you preferred). Of course these are opposites but I just ignored that. I do have some gum on hand in case I get headaches or feel irritable, but thankfully haven't experienced those. I feel different mentally & physically this time because I don't feel like I am losing anything other than a controlling, expensive drug addiction.
I can't say this is something that I really "wanted" to do, but more something that I felt HAD to do. I hated to admit it, but it really is a drug addiction & not some innocent habit. I was tired of spending so much money on it, hiding, hoarseness, chest pains, feeling out of breath so much, keeping up with all the stuff, etc. Just realizing that it was controlling me so much & deciding to step away from that has made the biggest difference for me.
Hope this helps someone else. Reading all of your blogs has helped and inspired me.