This is going to be short. Much like my patience with a certain fur brat who shall be nameless.
Just the other day, I came home to my usual excited meowing (not because it's me, mind you, but because I bring the gift of food,) when I came in the door. And because I am always the bearer of delicious food and outdoor and foreign smells, The Nameless One will get all excited as I prepare "breakfast, " his tail upright and a'twitchin' as I do. Let me explain. Everything we eat is called breakfast because cats are slow learners when it comes to human words. So, If I say, "let's get breakfast," he comes running 2X a day for whatever canned flavor de jour is going in his bowl. Or if I say, I'm going to eat breakfast, he leaves me alone. If it's food, it's breakfast. Other words he knows: upstairs, outside, treats, NO, seapies (sleepy) lay-down, wait, good boy, smart, brushin' and, or course, Chester.
The Nameless One does not understand complex sentences; but does know routine, verbal commands, and elementary word-association. Ergo, once he grasped that breakfast meant something yummy in his bowl, all other food-related terms and concepts were meaningless. Got it? OK, moving on.
So, there I was, preparing his afternoon breakfast while my after work coffee was brewing when I looked over and heard The Nameless Cat meowing excitedly whilst watering two sets of tennis shoes! One set of which looked like this:
YIKES!
"Stoooop!" I yelled while he tinkled and nudged him gently with a shoe-less toe and he dashed upstairs to go sulk under my desk. He came back five minutes later to enjoy breakfast, never one to skip a free meal. 
Turns out the shoes needed a good bath, anyway, but I would have preferred a memo or email as a reminder.
Also, since Chester no longer has the capacity to spray, the way his feral ratting buddy does, he puts his mark on things the old fashioned way. Most of the time it's harmless and I've become skilled at quick interventions because he never acts out this way in my absence. So it's just excitement, rather than anger or separation anxiety provoking him.
The good news is the shoes are now refreshed and nobody was injured or smoked during or because of the incident.
Here's hoping your shoes are clean and your day was smoke-free, too.
Peace and gratitude,
AC
