Brainwashing

[jamieroden1]

This is sort of a rant, kind of confusing, so i apologize in advance. For me, it's not the withdrawals that get me. I get zero physical symptoms. I'm fine. It's my brain that is the problem. I like smoking. I enjoy my time alone outside. I figured out why it's so hard, the problem is figuring out a way to get out of that mindset. I miss it. I have read stories of people that are happy and dont ever want another, and then I've read stories of people who are years smoke free and still want one daily. What is the difference in these people? It makes me happy. I understand that it's the effect of the dopamine, but how do I avoid it? I dont really have anyone to talk to about it because most people I know who smoke dont really want me to quit because then it would effect them. They do for health reasons of course, but deep down, they dont want to be the only ones left. I understand that, but it just sucks bc they are capable of being only so supportive. I'm not sure they would even admit that because it sounds terrible. I'm not close to anyone that has quit. I guess I do want to but I'm wondering if I do deep deep down. Tonight was a slip. I knew it would be as soon as I got up this morning. But i dont want to give up. But i also dont want to be miserable. I just dont know how to get a handle on it. I know it's better on the other side. I wish I could make smoking a cigarette a miserable experience, but I dont know how! I know all the health facts, i have all the reasons, I've read the book and a million articles and stories. I've done my research and tried all the tricks. I have to find a way to get my brain on board. I need help, but i dont know what kind or where to get it. I dont want to spend my life torturing myself by quitting a million times. I just want to be done. I feel so confused and conflicted and guilty. Its all mental, I know. But I dont how to control it

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

If you have "done all the reading," I am left wondering what, exactly, you enjoy about smoking.  Smelling like an ashtray? Destroying your health?  Giving Big Tobacco, who designed a product that will kill you, and did so to deliberately create the addiction in you, your hard earned money?  It allows you to hide from your emotions; it gives you a break to reset.....but you can do that in OTHER, more healthy ways.  You can go for a walk, or sing out loud to your favorite music, or dance to it, or march in place, or eat a bite of chocolate - and get that same hit of dopamine.  I think you might be thinking about the "friend" who is always available when you are frustrated or sad or bored or lonely or happy or needing a break.  You can find REAL friends to substitute for that.  Get a volunteer gig, or call a friend, or sit outside and groove on the clouds or birdsong.  As long as you believe that you are giving something dear to you up, you will struggle to let it go -----

I would hope that you might read Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking” if you have not already done so - to understand and ACCEPT that all you believe smoking does for you is a lie.  And it IS!

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[jamieroden1]

The easy way book is the the book lol. I have read it 3 times now. And you are 100% correct about everything you said! It is a lie, and there is nothing good about it. I know that, but at some level it's just not getting in good enough i guess. But, I did not spend enough time on this site reading everyone's posts. I have been doing that tonight.They are super helpful, and everyone else has gone through what I am dealing with. I'm starting to realize that I was looking at it all wrong. The "want to" is my craving even though it is not physical. I'm not sure what I was expecting, I guess the getting shaky, and headaches and all that stuff. I feel like this is a puzzle and I have to figure out the trick bc once I do that I can know how to avoid the trip. But it's not. Everyone saying the only way out is through is so right and maybe I was trying to find the shortcut that doesnt exist? I'm trying hard to get my mind right so that tomorrow I can be right back on track, renewed in my resolve. Also, being outside is a major trigger because i never smoke inside. I've read some posts about other people having that same problem and it has helped. Oh my gosh. This is definitely the hardest thing i have ever done in my entire life. I hate that i am letting this control me. I need to get my mind right. I will be spending a lot of time on this site. There is so much that i need to learn still. Thank you for your response. I like how direct you were about it. I needed that.

[AnnaPaulette]

This past year I realized that I did not like anything about lighting a weed and drawing the burning smoke into my mouth, nose, and lungs. I only told myself I liked smoking because I was miserable not getting my nicotine fix. 

[Giulia]

"I only told myself I liked smoking because I was miserable not getting my nicotine fix. "  That's exactly right.  Just like Troutnet said too:  "Smoking creates the cravings that are only relieved by more smoking."

[jamieroden1]

Yea, everytime I think about in the book where it says that 1 cigarette led to everyone after that and that each one only cures the need created from the one before. All of this is just so ridiculous. Addiction is ridiculous. We would never be like this about anything else. We know what we need to do, we know why, we have a million reasons. It is absolutely insane that these chemicals can do this to us. Can make our brains fight against themselves like that. I keep feeling like there is an answer to this, something I'm missing. Buts there's not. I think that is the most frustrating part of all. It's just making sure to win the fight until eventually your brain gives up. Its crazy.

[YoungAtHeart]

Learning that the last cigarette you smoked CREATED stress until your next one was one of the most important things I learned about smoking.  Opened my eyes to so many of the lies the addiction told - and I believed.

Glad you are able to come around to it, too!

[Giulia]

"Tonight was a slip. I knew it would be as soon as I got up this morning."  Wow.  Truth.  You set yourself up for your relapse.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/relapse-prevention/blog/2019/01/30/are-you-heading-for-rel... 

"i dont want to give up. But i also dont want to be miserable."  Another truth we all had to face.

" I wish I could make smoking a cigarette a miserable experience, but I dont know how! "  I didn't either, and you don't need to - to quit.  But not smoking for a while will sure make that next cigarette taste pretty horrible.  At least it has for me in the past after I'd quit for only three days when I was sick with the flu or whatever.  That first cigarette after that tasted really bad.

You sound as confused as I was when I quit.  I don't know if this little dialogue I wrote will help, but i offer it up as the back-and-forth mind game that went on when I was quitting.  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2016/09/06/a-quit-dialogue-in-iv-acts?sr=search&searchId=17f024c1-8e7a-4765-a957-...‌  Our brains ARE the problem.  And aside from the nicotine receptors screaming at us, it takes time to harness and train our thoughts.  You're all over the place in your emotions regarding quitting.  I was too.  I want to, but I don't want to... I know the health benefits, but I still want one...

This statement of yours is very telling:  "i dont want to give up. But i also dont want to be miserable."  Which means you will be miserable if you don't give up.  At least that's what that statement means to me.  And either way, you quit smoking and you're miserable or you don't and you're miserable.  

I guess the question then, is, what makes you more miserable or less miserable?  You will never be satisfied with smoking.  I get that from what you've said.  Smoking makes you miserable.  So does quitting.  Your real question is, I think, how to be less miserable when you quit.  And THAT is the homework we all needed to do to become successful quitters.

It's all mental, you're right.  And we control it by trying the things others suggest, coming up with our own techniques, but most importantly by persevering in the endeavor.  We have to wash out our brains before we can wash in new material.  

Don't despair.  Just keep working at it.  It's obvious you want your freedom.  That Best of You is screaming as loudly as the nicotine addiction.  Aim for the former.  Another blog that may illuminate:    https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/1778-did-you-plan-your-relapse 

[jamieroden1]

You sound like you are in my head! And yes, you are 100% correct, on everything. When I give in, I know it's me letting myself give in and then I hate myself for being weak. And it is so confusing! Why is it worth it? Why is smoking worth the health risks? Why is it worth giving all my money and time and everything  else? It's not! At all! So I dont know why I let myself give in. I am going to spend the day reading and making the lists and trying to get my head right. I cant keep fighting against myself. And really, if I am going to be miserable either way, it might as well be for a good reason and then eventually I wont be anymore. If I continue to smoke, then I will always be miserable and there will be no end to it. Thank you so much for your response!

[WaynenMary]

I am new here and hoping I am posting on the correct place. The physical withdrawls are the easy part learning how to live without that crutch is hard but doable. The addict is cunning and will resort to anything to get you back. Coming here and reaching out us a great start. You can do this