Today was a bad, bad morning for me. The urge would not go away, I did not smoke. School starts back tomorrow, so twins will not be home. I have cleaned, there is nothing else in the house to do. It is to cold outside, I can not allow my mind to sit idle and think about the monster that I held onto for 40 years if not longer. It is time to let go, I just wanted to scream this morning, worst day so far. As I am sure more of these will come. I do not look forward to facing them, but with the wonderful people in my life now with this site I shall N.O.P.E.