When you don't know how or why.

Blog Post created by Christine13 on Jun 9, 2019

Every time I come here there is always someone who has a blog that helps me.  Marilyn and Sherri yours really spoke to me.  I did have 4 puffs of a cigarette this morning.  I was angry with myself.  My mind went to Brian struggling to breathe in the hospital that day.  I realized that's not what I wanted.  Somehow I must break the habit and pattern of serial quitting and I think I can do it now.

Down deep my want to stop is strong, it's the nicotine junkie's lies that bring me back.  Right now, I am looking for comfort.  I thought the cigs were doing that for me, but it was just a LIE.  I will have to learn another way to self sooth and find the comfort I need.

I have no more cigs here, I ran them all under water and squished them up.  Today, I feel lousy.  Not because of not smoking tho, just lost and trying to find a new normal, without Brian.  The grief is less than it was.  I have a good chance of making it now.


I will stay close.  I'm here everyday.  I will try to blog more.