Every time I come here there is always someone who has a blog that helps me. Marilyn and Sherri yours really spoke to me. I did have 4 puffs of a cigarette this morning. I was angry with myself. My mind went to Brian struggling to breathe in the hospital that day. I realized that's not what I wanted. Somehow I must break the habit and pattern of serial quitting and I think I can do it now.
Down deep my want to stop is strong, it's the nicotine junkie's lies that bring me back. Right now, I am looking for comfort. I thought the cigs were doing that for me, but it was just a LIE. I will have to learn another way to self sooth and find the comfort I need.
I have no more cigs here, I ran them all under water and squished them up. Today, I feel lousy. Not because of not smoking tho, just lost and trying to find a new normal, without Brian. The grief is less than it was. I have a good chance of making it now.
I will stay close. I'm here everyday. I will try to blog more.
xo
