I had 4 puffs from a cigarette today. I won't romanticize the experience, I can only say big mistake.
Finishing my day in tears and yearning. 18 dof. Which I worked hard as hell for.
Back to the drawing board!
A pissed off hubby ..........My emotions just get better and better..........
No I wasnt around here all day. I left right after i bought a pack! We left for quite awhile, after. Why did I? Disgust and disbelief from the Docs! That was why, I figured what is the use, If I have growths on my lungs I'm screwed. So who cares, I might as well enjoy the rest of my time....instead of being miserable, fighting an addiction.
* tears and fear.
I am so very worry for your medical news. There is so much they can do - now. I am praying for some peace for you.
When do you next see someone for options?
Nancy
Nancy Thank You. I will talk yo u a lil bit more in an email.
It's Christmas eve for all. Even the elders Hugs
I will chat later or tomorrow or something with you. Idk much right now. That compounds my fears.
That being said I had 4 puffs! Stopped immediately ! I was so angry there is no justification for poisoning my body any further. But it did feel good at the moment...or so the addict mind thought! So I will just say Merry Christmas. I have my pain in the butt hubs, and family to pull me thru the nerves.
Hugs everyone
Kim
It was a slip. Lord knows I had them when bargaining in the beginning. It’s done, it’s over. Let it go and keep going. I wouldn’t even count it as going back to day one. That would add to the burden. I’m no expert, but are you on the highest patch, 21mg? All I can tell is 1) do not beat yourself up and 2) try adding lozenges if you haven’t already. The times a cigarette enters my mind, I pop one of those guys and they really help, just like they are supposed to. 18 days is amazing. Give yourself credit for that. Oh, and honesty. You could have not said anything, but you did which shows you are serious about this. Climb back up on the horse, girl! Keep riding!
Sorry, it is day one again. Because, if it is not ? why not have 5 puffs tomorrow and not go back to day one? Because day one is day won. And even one puff is not day won.
Please, it is ok" for everyone" to have" Different" Perspectives! We are all individuals with different views. Pause
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Hugs Kim
Karen, I’m sttanding up for slips on this one. Yes, things could lead to a relapse, but that hasn’t happened. To send people back to square one for a slip I feel is mentally detrimental to esteem and momentum. If I had done the same thing I would still feel every effort I put in was worth something. I wouldn’t go to the back of the line again. I didn’t think we were here to judge. It’s a support group. If it were a huge relapse that would be different. I’m truly not trying to be argumentative, just supportive of a small bump in the road and to keep up the hard work this is every day for people who are starting and get a good few weeks in and not take that away.
Pause~
It's an individual thing" All good.
You quit after 4 puffs so I am glad for that. You could have smoked the whole cigarette and then another and another but you didn’t so that’s good news that you stopped. Don’t stress yourself out about the incident it happened and now it’s over. I hope your doctors can find a treatment that can help you. Wishing you a nice Christmas.
Thank you
Legend!
Good to see you!
Merry Christmas!
You're a queen in God's eyes. And ours. You just need to become one in your own, sweet one. Queens don't smoke.
Sorry about medical news that has you so down. To me that's just a slip, not a relapse. Hope you can keep your quit going. Feeling bad for you. Sending caring thoughts.
Barb
I am just shaking my head. Get right back up there on that horse. !!!! At least it was 4 puffs, not 4 cigarettes or 4 packs, but not one more puff in 2018.
WELCOME BACK KIM AND GOOD JOB LOVING YOURSELF TO RECOVERY QUICKLY-MY BELOVED NON SMOKER SISTER! Yahoooo-way to go Kim-i am proud of you Kim! Love you!
Might I explain from the viewpoint of one who has been here for 6+ years? This is not to judge or enforce an opinion on anyone. Each quit, like each individual, is unique.
That being said, it is my personal belief that there must be a consequence for a slip not to recur. If there is no consequence, might the next slip be easier to make? And - THAT time, it might lead one totally back to smoking - and all the days leading up to it thus be wasted?
just my humble opinion - it really is for each person to decide. I just want to lend a bit of caution to the conversation.
Nancy
I definitely see your point. My feeling is if this were habitual there should be a closer look at the 'sincerety' of the commitment. Questioning if the motivation was really there and perhaps more practice quits and not leaning on people here for support for obvious non commitment. I’m just looking at this particular situation, the honesty and the punishment Kim gave herself. I’m just a newbie myself so maybe I don’t have a right to question all you that have such seniority of how this all works, I’m just into my 4th week so I’m know you all have seen much more than I. I talked to my states quit coach line and they said if I slipped, not relapsed, to keep going and figure out why, but don’t take away the work I have done. It helped me stay away from slips because I dont want to have to report another. Thanks to them and the wonderful people here, I haven’t had one. My sincere appreciation to you all for giving me more than you know to make this work. I’ll shut up now. I don’t want to cause friction.
No worries - no friction caused. Congrats on almost a month!!! That is HUGE Good for you!!!!!
!
I have nodules too. Supposedly teensy tiny and benign.
And I want to keep them that way.
The very best way to keep them that way is not to smoke.
NOPE.
I'm over 2 years into my quit
after almost 40 yrs off and on of smoking menthol 100s;
and......
I STILL crave at times.
Menthol 100s.
Yep.
That psychological crave.
I tell myself during these times that if I smoke I'm committing
SLOW SUICIDE.
It's the down and dirty truth.
Smoking is a form of suicide.
That usually helps to nip it. Perhaps you could think of smoking that way too?
Good luck, I know quitting is one of the hardest endeavors,
but it IS doable, as Jackie expresses.
It really is.
STOP it!
Don't look back except to figure out WHY you made the decision to smoke and why you didn't stop yourself at any of the steps along the way to those puffs. AND - why you didn't come here first. Make a plan now of what you will do differently next time. You were around here all day - ask for help next time, k?
Then - quit again - NOW. Not tomorrow. Not the New Year. NOW!
You CAN do this; I have faith in you.
Let us help.
Nancy