I finally blew it. On Wednesday night around 8pm, I bought a pack of cigarettes:( Like a criminal I waited for everyone to go to bed and then snuck outside, wrestling with my conscience the whole way. I opened the pack, and smoked one of the cigarettes. It was a strange combination of wonderful and gross. (That's probably why I only smoked one)
I feel like a hypocrite. The second cigarette I smoked was the next morning when I was out on an errand, feeling sick and dishonest the whole time. Then again last night I smoked one and this time I paid attention to my mind and my body trying hard figure out what I was doing and why. One thing I noticed was when I exhaled the smoke kept coming out of my lungs, so exhaled harder and it kept coming......GROSS!!!! I then remembered what my carbon monoxide levels were before I quit in the first place. I can't claim a slip because I did it on purpose. I felt sad and disappointed in myself and still do. But I brought the pack to my husband (all of them) and told him what I had done. He refused to distroy them, He said this is entirely my decision. So
I broke them up into a Walmart bag and went out to my studio to write this confession. It was very hard to bust those cigarettes and I have yet to add water to the left overs! I need to reset my quit date, I haven't smoked any today yet, but I noticed that there were still a couple of good ones left in bag. . I am hearing on the ledge.
.. I am sorry to let you all down.