Cricket

I am very Sad today, and I am restarting my quit date.

Blog Post created by Cricket on Aug 17, 2018

I finally blew it.  On Wednesday night around 8pm, I bought a pack of cigarettes:(  Like a criminal I waited for everyone to go to bed and then snuck outside, wrestling with my conscience the whole way.  I opened the pack, and smoked one of the cigarettes.  It was a strange combination of wonderful and gross.  (That's probably why I only smoked one)

I feel like a hypocrite. The second cigarette I smoked was the next morning when I was out on an errand, feeling sick and dishonest the whole time.  Then again last night I smoked one and this time I paid attention to my mind and my body trying hard figure out what I was doing and why.  One thing I noticed was when I exhaled the smoke kept coming out of my lungs, so exhaled harder and it kept coming......GROSS!!!!  I then remembered what my carbon monoxide levels were before I quit in the first place.  I can't claim a slip because I did it on purpose.  I felt sad and disappointed in myself and still do.  But I brought the pack to my husband  (all of them)  and told him what I had done.  He refused to distroy them,  He said this is entirely my decision.   So

I broke them up into a Walmart bag and went out to my studio to write this confession.  It was very hard to bust those cigarettes and I have yet to add water to the left overs!  I need to reset my quit date,  I haven't smoked any today yet, but I noticed that there were still a couple of good ones left in bag. . I am hearing on the ledge. 

..  I am sorry to let you all down.

Cricket 

Bag of Destroyed Sickorettes

Attachments

Outcomes