I Blew It!!

[minihorses]

Well after 7 months of being wonderfully tobacco free I blew it.  I started smoking yet AGAIN.  My life took a massive nosedive and I couldn't handle it so I said  f*** it and caved.  I won't go into details other than to say I lived in the woods for almost two days including an overnight with nothing but the clothes on my back and a light jacket to use as something to keep warm or lay on.  Luckily I grew up tent camping until we got a pop-up camper when I was 10 and my husband and I tent camped until my youngest was born so I knew how to live outside.

Also my oldest child (w/ Aspergers) is now getting services and he's scared to death because he's not comfortable with anyone that's not family or friends.  This is a HUGE change from his world into a world he doesn't know how deal with and doesn't want to.  During all the meetings that we had before we got our case worker the more scared he got and was 'shutting down'  at some point during each on.one. He is out right now for the first day and the look on his face was sheer terror.  We'll see but I think he'll do OK.  So it's been a struggle for him which is why I came home from my hideaway..

I kept saying ANOTHER DAY WON NOT ANOTHER DAY ONE, NOPE, LIFE HAPPENS WHETHER WE SMOKE OR NOT, I'VE GOT 7 MONTHS BEING SMOKE FREE AND YOU WANT TO RUIN  IT?  I just didn't care at that point so the cigarettes came back.  I'm starting Chantix again tomorrow and have a quit date of 2 weeks from now (hopefully) unless life here stays on the current downward spiral. I miss being smoke free and the damn things are so addictive it doesn't take much to become a non-smoker again.

For all you newbies, NMLs, in-betweeners,  and anyone else thinking about having just one PLEASE DON"T.  Starting from square one for that one little cigarette is NOT WORTH IT!!  Stay strong, keep getting support on here, and keep that quit no mater what!  

Julie

currently back to being a smoker