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Share your quitting journey

News from my corner of the world

elvan
Member
1 23 245

Thank you all for understanding my need to spend time with my daughter while she is visiting.  We DID hug, both wearing masks and with our faces turned away from each other.  She has a smile that lights up the world but I don't get to see that.

I had an appointment with my pulmonologist Wednesday and she offered to drive, both of us with masks and the windows wide open.  She texted me that she was out front so I grabbed my purse and started down the stairs to the driveway.  My vision was screwed up because of the bifocals and the mask and I misjudged where I was so I went down the last two steps basically on my knees.  I hit the gravel driveway and I really was not sure I could get up.  She didn't see me because there is a large cooler sitting there on its side BUT I managed to stand up and limp and whine up the hill to the car.  I was having a really hard time breathing because of the fall and the mask.  I got to the doctor and did the prescreening before they called me back.  I spent an hour in the exam room which was incredibly annoying, particularly since I looked down at my arm and my blue shirt sleeve was covered with blood.  I rolled it up slightly so I could see what happened and it was a not terribly dramatic skin tear that was just bleeding away.  DAMN.  My Oxygen sat was 85 and I could not bring it up which is weird for me.  The doc came in and asked why I didn't have  oxygen on, he said he contacted my oxygen provider three months ago to get me a portable machine since I cannot carry around a metal one, my driveway is all stones, I need bilateral shoulder replacements, and I have a terrible, painful scoliosis...I cannot lift things.  I told him that I didn't know if they did not get the message or if he changed his mind.  I have an appointment for an echocardiogram next week to determine if there is damage to my pulmonary artery.  That would indicate pulmonary hypertension and if it is from my COPD, oxygen will not help.  Well, that was a kick in the stomach.  IF it is from my RA, they might be able to treat it with biologics.  He wants me to go to a pain management clinic to see if they can get my back pain under control.  I am supposed to call him the day after the echocardiogram to hear the results and to see if the oxygen provider contacted me.

I got home and I was exhausted and more than a little discouraged...then the phone rang and my closest friend here's son was killed in an accident on his way home from work.  It was a single vehicle accident, he was thrown from the truck because he was not wearing a seat belt.  I have known this kid since he was three.  I have not been able to reach my friend, she has a huge family and I am sure they are all with her.  I cannot go to a funeral or memorial service because it would be too dangerous.  I am so sad, my heart aches for her and I am angry with him for not wearing a seat belt.  I have to fix dinner and sit with my family and eat.  My daughter eats outside and will not let me join her, she is afraid I might get sick.  I so hate this.

Love to all...please wear your seat belts!

Ellen

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About the Author
Retired RN, worked ICU/ER developed RA in early 90's, unable to work because of brittle bones from high dose steroids. Diagnosed with COPD 5 yrs ago but sure it was there and progressing long before. Live with severe chronic pain, degenerative disc disease, had both upper lobes of my lungs removed in 2015. Struggle with shortness of breath. Work in son's cafe as a cashier 2 days a week to be around people. I am a people/animal person. Lost my home and three cats in a fire on my ten month anniversary of quitting smoking. Never thought of smoking, knew it wouldn't help anything.