Tomorrow is one year. Today is 365 days because of the leap year. I will be declared an elder and can happily enter the 6 percent club. Boy, has this been one hellofa ride. The smoking thoughts only surface up for me in bouts of anger/frustration. I actually embrace all the other emotions because I'm finally feeling them instead of hiding behind a cloud of gray smoke. December showed a lot of challenges for me personally and sailed through them. Back a year ago then, I would have been stressing out and chain smoking and my addictive brain would be saying, why me, why is this happening to me, blah, blah...... Now, it's simply, yeah ,well, it is what it is. A whole different mind-set.
Now, we get to work on this weight gain. The most important thing I've learned throughout this year is that I can do anything I set my mind to. Anything is possible. I believed that before, but usually, not always, the addictive thinking took over and tried to shut it down.
I'm so glad that I stuck with this and will not take this for granted. Smoking was a choice. A choice that I wish to no longer make. It is no longer a gripping need. Something that I believed that I had to do just to make me relax, relieve the tension, console myself, calm thyself. I no longer think that way. I developed other ways to do that now.
I'll be honest throughout this year that I've had thoughts of smoking. I went through the stage of “test driving” a cigarette. Test my limits to see if I've got this down. I realized that was crazy thinking after performing my STOP, DROP and ROLL. Those three words have got me through many of my firsts this past year. From experience of going through the first birthday parties, get-togethers, holidays, etc., the anticipation of the event was far worse than the event itself. But nonetheless I prepare myself beforehand for the worst case scenario. What are you going to do if this happens....... the “this happens” never did arise, but I was prepared for it.
I've learned to break the chains that tied me by switching up a few things that I've done year after year. I celebrate my holidays differently now and anniversaries differently of my parents' death. In prior years, I chain smoked my way through all of them. I'm sure this next year of being a nonsmoker will be a touch easier than last and will keep getting easier because I'm creating new memories. Some good and some bad, but they're all done without a cigarette in my hand. I've faced my bad times head on and dealt with them. Last month in particular was just horrendous, but I found my way through. I'm starting to learn now to let things go of which I can't physically change. I am only responsible for my own actions and not anybody else's.
So for you newbies out there, hang in there. Trust in yourself. Go through the stages of quitting. Reach out to members either through their message board or through their inbox. Ask for help, ask questions, ask for guidance. Use that search bar at the top right of your screen and look for things that you are curious about. Type in grief, smoking dreams, depression, anger. You'll find the answers there and some pretty good writers too. Quitting is only as hard as you want it to be. I'm the prime example of that, but look at where I'm at now. You can get here, the 6 percent club . It can be done. Reach those small milestones, 30 days, 50 days, 100 days, 200 days, 300 days and then a year. You can do this. You can get to 365 days, a 6 percenter. Just remember, I'll be waiting at the door for ya!!!
