Easier said than done, if I had a nickel every time I heard that one......

[crazymama_Lori]

This blog is basically written for discussion sake which I'm sure is going to spark some strong feelings, perhaps not. The topic that's been gnawing at me is NML (No Man's Land). Many moons ago, six months to be exact, I was told that was the worst time for relapses, adjustments, roller coaster emotions and the list goes on. 130 days and things will be easier. Easier was the word that I was struggling with. Now, did they mean that suddenly that whole mess of emotional garbage is done or did they mean that just the very, very hard part of it was gone? Do I get to look forward to this for the rest of my life? And now the discussion begins:

When I can't find answers to something, not vague answers, precise answers, I'm trained by my nature and profession to research and find the answers or some resemblance of one. I have found one article that was very interesting to me because it basically validated my thinking; http://www.achoice2live.com/quitting-smoking-gets-easier/

I think what frustrates me the most is the broad spectrum of time lines here. Again by nature, I need specificity. Perhaps that's why I was fighting this for so long. They said in 3 days the physical symptoms would be gone. Mine lasted for two and a half weeks, but I smoked for 43 years, 45 if you want to count my “test driving” phase. If you refer to the above stated article, that makes sense to me. It took me longer than most because of my years smoking. I'm looking forward to someday someone having developed a chart of start and stops to symptoms, emotional changes, brain activity to nicotine addiction.

Another interesting article that I've found is centered around alcoholism, but it does encompass addiction in general; https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/recovery/the-first-year-in-recovery-what-to-expect/ . I think 9 months or 270 days is a realistic expectation of when your thought processes really begins to take a turnaround and not 130 days. But that's my theory. I am in no way claiming to be an expert, nor a licensed treater. I've noticed that the first 60 days are the roller coaster initially. Then I think you go in cycles for the next 210 days. I think between 130 days and 270 days is your danger period, but then again I've read of people on here that have lost their quits after 2 years or even 5 years. Is it because they haven't thought ahead to the main reasons they used smoking in the first place and then devised a plan to combat it in case it shows up again?

Someone on here told me that I haven't been through two cycles yet meaning 2 years. I haven't been through traumatic events to solidify my “no smoking” status or life choice. That may be true, but what I have done was think back on what I used smoking for and how I'm going to not make that CHOICE any longer. It's a choice now and not a need or desire. I've had quite a few things happen in my everyday life that would drive anyone back to smoking. All I did was simply take 5 minutes and think to myself, yes, I could smoke right now BUT would it change the outcome, would it somehow turn back the hands of time..... the answer was always no. I think it's the impulsivity that gets us in trouble, the looking for the quick fix.

I think once we teach ourselves to become more patient, to trust in the process, to just simply stroll, not run, down the path and see where it leads us, then we truly can be free. I'm not saying each and every one of you should have self-introspection, spend endless hours thinking back on when you started smoking, why, what it was replacing, do a psychological workup, but think about the basics. Ask yourself, what are the three main reasons why you light up? We don't do it just to smoke. We consciously go to the store, spend six bucks or more on 20 sticks and then burn them up. If I told you to take six bucks or more and set it on fire once a day, you'd tell me I'm nuts. Isn't that what you're doing?

Through my searches, here are the main ones that come up time and time again. We smoke because of: hunger, anger, tiredness, sadness, grief, personal loss, stress, anxiousness, nervousness, loneliness, boredom, frustration. We as addicts do not smoke for social acceptance any longer or a boost of self-confidence. We've matured beyond that. We started out that way but we didn't end up that way. We tell ourselves that we use smoking to calm ourselves or relax, but what is the emotion that you are trying to calm or relax from? Life is about reaction to action. We create our own stress, but does smoking improve that or take that away? I can't quit right now because I'm stressed. I have too much stress in my life right now to quit. I have too much stress right now to stay quit.

Okay. Now, answer me this one question, what can you physically do, you, yourself, to change that stress? Taking smoking out of that equation, what can you do about it? Now, do you see how taking the power away from smoking almost eliminates it altogether? Smoking is that cotter pin that stops everything from spinning. Smoking is what prevents you from emotionally growing to be the best person you can be. You will start to see it more and more as you reach the 9-month mark. The first 90 days are what I think of as the garbage in and garbage out phase. You start to notice the same feelings come around every few weeks or so, but they are decreasing in intensity. They were super strong at first like the cravings were, but I think that was more of the physical withdrawal and then nervousness, anxiousness and frustration. Then the tiredness, sadness, grief, personal loss came around and sat a spell. Then the what I call “all right with the universe” feeling pokes its head in there for a short time. It's kind of like the prelude to what this whole quit is about. Then you begin the cycle all over again. Some do and some don't. Those who don't, bless your hearts. For me, not so much. I'm on my fifth cycle and they now only last at the max 3 days; whereas when I first went through this, they lasted a few weeks.

So to make a very, very long story short, there is light at the end of tunnel. You just have to make your way through the trenches, the culverts, the overflowing tributaries, the dried up creek beds. You'll find yourself floating out to a very calm ocean with very few ripples. Trust the process, trust yourself, trust this life choice, you will get here. I can promise you that 🙂