Us smokers are strange animals. In life there is smokers and nonsmokers. You do have the ocassional binge smoker, weekend smoker, social smoker. Strange how you can replace that word with alcohol, isn't it, or pot or just drugs in general. Is this really a genetic trait? Are we hard wired to this tendency?
Back to when this all began for myself, it was my father smoking. My mother did also but she quit when I was quite young. When? I have no clue. But I always remember the feeling of comfort in that smell. I was the daddy's girl. He was a master plumber and worked very long hours. It was the smell that linked me to him perhaps.
Back to when I was 12 years old or so, it was sneaking cigarettes. I loved the taste. I liked the feeling of the lightheadedness. If I would have stuck with just spinning in circles, we wouldn't be in this mess. It made me look cool. I was the fat kid with the glasses since third grade. That little white stick made me into a cool kid. Interesting how that could bring confidence to myself.
Back to when I was 16 years old, old enough to buy cigarettes now. Boy, I sure thought I was hot stuff. I was standing close to 5'9 now. So I was basically passed as 16 at 14. Brought up as a strict catholic, I was drinking and smoking and thinking I was getting away with something. Back in the late '60s, that made you a cool. Self-acceptance wasn't even thought of then.
That was the end of the “back to when” because that addiction grabbed hold and ran with me. All my friends smoked. You could smoke anywhere and everywhere. Even hospitals allowed smoking for pete's sake. I know, I worked in one and I smoked at my desk.
I don't think I really noticed any effects of smoking because it's a sneaky thing. I could run and do just about any physical activity with no problems. It wasn't until my late 40's that I started noticing small little things. Every once in a while I would have a coughing fit that would wake me up in the middle of the night. Ah, I must have smoked too much today. Began having more cramps in my legs and hands. Ah, must be lacking in vitamin C or should start taking some antioxidants. Why is my chest feeling so tight and I'm getting headaches daily?
Reached my 50's and now suddenly my friends are dying off or having lungs removed. I knew of very few people that were nonsmokers. I was starting to have dizzy spells, hard to catch my breath, hands were always cold, I had the yellow ET finger, but wasn't phoning home. I became disenchanted with smoking. It wasn't cool anymore. It was expensive and becoming a burden.
After quitting, I noticed I could walk longer distances. I never got cramps in my extremities any longer. I love food, the taste of food, the smell of food. The smell of things brought back so many memories. The smell of the first lawn mowed, the lilacs, someone cooking bacon or cinamon rolls.
Do you remember what a cigarette tasted like when you first started? I love that taste. But ever notice that after a couple of drags, you can't taste that anymore? It's like taking a flamethrower to your mouth. Ever notice your esophogus feels hot and burning? You're torching your body's little defense mechanism in filtering out the pollution and crud in the air from your lungs. Seriously why, oh, why do we keep doing this? Yes, it's an addiction, but why do we keep doing this?
If you have set your quit date, please track your cigarettes closely for two weeks and follow the steps that they have on this site. It makes you THINK about the emotion you're satisfying in lighting up and how you are going to overcome that emotion by doing something other than smoking. That emotion is only fed for a whole whopping 5 minutes by lighting up; whereas you can learn a new skill to satisfy that emotion and it lasts a lifetime. Some use meditation. Some use pressure points. Some use clickers. Some use a stress ball. Do some research. There's a boatload of information out there on relaxation techniques. Find one that works for you. Check out a book from the library. Educate yourself. The more knowledge you have, the more you will be sucessful. Think of this as learning a new job, a new skill. You will become an expert in no time...............
