Friends here's the last blog in my Chronicle! I sincerely hope some of my experiences can help make someone else's journey quicker and easier!!! 🙂
October 30, 2014 to Present. This might be my most difficult post to write since I want to pack so much in without droning on and on or having to write another installment! Back to "old school" ... Make an "outline" first!!! Which turned into this ...
Things I did Differently from previous quit attempts: I dropped my pride (or fear) and used the nic gum just a wee bit! It really, really helped get me past those "I Don't give a #%#%" moments! And the time (every single freakin day) between about 4-7Pm when the demons would be calling. It was my "unhappy hour"! I'll give the Demons this, they were consistent!! Anyway I had to acknowledge I needed some extra help then and the gum worked. I also used "I don't do that anymore and the only way out is thru". I discovered the world of essential oils and began studying (and sniffing) healthy herbals instead of smoking poisonous ones! I committed to blog every day for first 30 days. And Sharon (smorgy) my guardian angel blessed me with her encouraging messages each and every one of those 30 days. It was a totally different quit this time around!!! I knew more what to expect and I was armed!!! I knew the answer was TIME, Sweet Time. I found my Secret Weapon, PATIENCE. Gee, go figure! And patience was the fuel to get me thru the time! No matter how long. To be honest I really didn't dare to hope it would really get easier at 100 days or 130 days. (Last time it didn't!) But I was determined (and curious!) to follow thru. If it took longer so be it. (I would just keep a pie in the freezer to thaw and throw at Dale if necessary!). Lol. But seriously If all these other people could quit it has to get easier eventually. After all we are only human!!!! So I'm on my way again. Got thru 30 and into NML. The wasteland of discarded quits. It was better, much better than before but it was still long and frustrating. I was still beating myself up over not getting enough done, gaining weight yadayada Same old addict voice saying you NEED a cig to function!! I'd say no I just don't do that anymore so gotta find another way! Or just quit fretting about the "stuff" getting done. Geez enuf already. "Let it go"!!! My basement/rec room is decorated with a wall of boxes and bags and piles of family "heirlooms"! I've never done well with clutter and I want it gone! But I have to "go thru it to get it out". One day I just looked at it and said "This is gonna make me lose my quit" :(. So I turned around and went back upstairs. I've done that a couple of times. It can wait. I'm protecting my quit!!! What really, really has to get done in my life I always manage to get done. (God gives us the strength when we need it. Maybe no more or no less to remind us to stay dependent on Him!!!). This journey teaches us SO much more than how to quit smoking!!! I am excited now to keep discovering and learning in this recovery and healing process! But I'm digressing. Ok So - Somewhere at about 100 days (right on cue) the demons didn't show up for unhappy hour! Hallelujah!! And they haven't been back!!! What used to be an unrelenting miserable craving is now an occasional "prompt" feeling! Like "it's time to have a cigarette." What? No NOPE I don't do that anymore! I think its just the old brain cells/receptors perking up for one last gasp before their disintegration. Keep dying you little bast***s!!! Lol. I was so surprised and happy to realize I think this is IT! I'm out of NML. I've made the exit! I don't smoke anymore. I'm not going back! Finally, went to the docs a few weeks back. They gave me Atta Girls again for my quit. My nurse said Now just don't pick it up again! I looked at her and said No way, after what I've been through to quit? Never again! And then I heard myself say, "Besides if I did start back, I'D JUST WANT TO QUIT AGAIN!" OMG! That's when it hit me! I was done! I had made it through to the "other side"!!! YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!! Thanks everyone for reading my long story of Turning Points and thanks my EX Friends for helping me live it. I have many, many individual thank you's to send which I will work on next! Looking so forward to continuing the journey with all of you! ❤Oxoxox❤
