Been struggling with flu for over a week now, sick as a dog. Tonight, ventured out for dinner with a friend that frankly I was not up for AT ALL. But I went out of obligation... long story. Anyway, as we left the restaurant I smelled a cigarette. Last time I smelled one it didn't smell good like they did in Vegas. Tonight, out of nowhere, this one smelled like manna from heaven.
My first thoughts were: "Damnit. I cannot believe that with fever, stuffy head, horrible cough (my lungs would NOT have taken on by Supreme Savings">bronchitis if they were not still so weak) that after a meal a damn sickorette would actually smell good. What is wrong with me? Hell, I just wrote a blog the other day about being sick but how I was counting my blessings, one of them being that nicodemon was nowhere around. Tonight, he peeped in. That little SOB. I am not even tempted to smoke. What I am though, is disappointed that the smell gave me romancing thoughts which frankly I thought were BEHIND me, where they belong."
Then, I realized I was giving nicodemon FAR too much time and power. And I knew I needed to read about the TRUE power, the power of FREEDOM. I found my dear friend Sky Girl's fabulous blog Sky Girl = Broken Record. That's all I needed. For any who have not read it, I cannot recommend it enough. Here’s the link:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/SkyGirl-blog/2013/03/07/skygirl-broken-record
My epiphone after reading that blog? One of my top reasons for quitting is because I was sick and tired of having meals with friends or family with one foot out the door and half an ear at the table because I could not wait until the waiter brought the check so I could leave and go enjoy that after dinner drag. Well, I have a MILESTONE to celebrate tonight, NOT a defeat! I enjoyed a 2.5 hour meal without even a fleeting thought of a cig. THAT is FREEDOM. I only thought of it for a few moments when I smelled it outside after dinner.
The after a big meal out cig is the one I knew would be my biggest trigger all along. So. of course nicodemon popped in at that moment. Plus, hell, he misses me! He hasn't seen me in over a week!
But NOT SO FAST NICODEMON, U SOB... I will not dwell or give you the time. So I enjoyed a smell. No biggie – because... I don’t do that anymore. And, I don’t actually WANT to do that anymore!
FURTHERMORE, I'D RATHER ENJOY 2.5 HOURS OF A GREAT MEAL WITH A FRIEND AND ENDURE 15 MINUTES AFTERWARDS SWATTING AWAY NICODEMON THAN TO NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ENJOY THE PREVIOUS 2.5 HOURS AT ALL!
