Yes, Comrades, this was my original goal, and I evidently have achieved this for these past 32 days. I am really okay with that. Also, yes I am still using a crutch to maintain that goal. However, I honestly look at my history, and see that after 58 years of mostly active smoking, being without the constant inflow of carcinogens, tars, and whatever else goes into American Spirit Organic Lights, I am kinda proud that this part of my process has accumulated to this time and day. I realize how serious this is.
Tomorrow, at 5 p.m. I am meeting with my ENT doctor and his incredible Head Nurse. We will find out if the "pre-cancer possibilities" will show some signs of going the other way. I was assured that if I quit smoking cigarettes that day, it would be easily reversible. I've had other Doctors try to scare me into quitting, but this seemed too honesty and forthright to ignore.
Okay, here we are on my 35th day smokefree. Some honesty is wanting to come out of me...as some of you nice folks might remember, my ENT doc scheduled me for a check up this last Monday regarding the pre c cells, and his feedback was quite positive. As he told me how much better my throat looked, I had the thought of lighting up in the parking lot immediately upon getting back in my car. How devious this little demon can be. Fortunately I vaped instead, and the issue passed. I know some of you might think I failed by vaping nicotine, but I am just trying to do this thing the way many others have done it successfully. I have read everything available about the pros and cons of vaping, and thus far I have not broken down and filled my body, mind, and soul of the poisonous effects of carbon monoxide , tars, or carcinogens. Further, my doc informed me about the cell scare, and I went to the car and smoked 3 cigarettes before the facts really set in. At 8:15 the next morning, I put my last cigarette out and said....”NO MORE!!!” That was it.....
Done, finee` finished!!!
The depth of the demon doubt and the little irritating voice astonishes me even now. That has been the whole downfall so far. You know, thinking that smoking is okay, the next pack will be the last, gettingbuzzed on alcohol, making promises to quit in the morning...it all sounds and feels exactly like alcoholic issues, but it is so much deeper and more subtle. Most of you know the picture, I`m sure...
So, Ill sign off for now. I work on keeping the demon quiet every day, and am looking forward to getting some free time from that.
Deep down I clearly know that the whispers come from my own head, so don’t get too worried about me!
Blessing,
Michael
(Mavihoja)
35 days of freedom...
