Mavihoja

Guilt is Overcoming Me...

Blog Post created by Mavihoja on Jun 14, 2019

I just have to dump in an effort to get some feedback, most of which I have probably experienced before.  This is what makes this so hard.  I feel sometimes like I have been down this road so many times and about the only thing I’ve got going for me is that I have not smoked for 29 days.  No more cigarettes, ever.  That is just something I don’t do anymore.

Now, I still have to face the nico demon.  My thoughts about less than thinking is reentering me because the newness of the quitting smoking tobacco has worn off.  Not so much excitement about breaking  the habit, just saving my life.  

 

So, I guess I have been feeling a little sorry for myself about not being a real ex.  Don’t know how I’m gonna get completely off the nicotine...Ive gotten this  far 3 times before, gone back and re read my words from 2011 and sometimes I just feels like I’m full of B.S. repetitive promises, for sure this time rhetoric and it makes me want to puke about myself.  I’m really not a bad guy according to folks, but I seem to be stuck in this dilemma for about the last 3 days.  You may have noticed I kinda backed off my frequent enthusiastic blasts.  I want this more than Ive wanted anything ever.  Nuff said...

 

blessings,

Michael

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