Woke up today in a sweat from a bad dream. The dream was about something specific that has really been haunting me lately so needless to say, I woke up in sort of a panic and IMMEDIATELY wanted a cigarette. I got up, tried to brush it off, eat and chew some gum, and then went outside for some deep breaths. The breathing didnt work so well and I ended up sitting there for 10 minutes sort of lost in my own chaotic chain of thoughts and ended up being late for what I was supposed to be doing. The cravings have been extremely bad all day too. The worst I've experienced yet BY FAR. I even texted my friend at one point, as if to reach out for support, and said "Im THIS close to just lighting up." Im doing a little better now, but Im sure within the next thirty minutes or so Ill want to smoke. Im trying to stick with chewing my gum as much as I can to take the oral fixation edge off a bit and Ive decided Im going to go out to see a friend tonight and try to get my mind off of it. I dont know though. Today has really sucked unfortunately. Hopefully going out will get my mind off of it.
