Here's the thing. I slipped up. Again. After 9 days of instant regret the smoking image was stuck in my head. I was keep thinking of it. And in a glance I went to the kiosk and bought a pack. I knew that it was a terrible thing in the moment I was ordering the pack from the employee. And she gave it to me. Although I was excited as a boy who was 16 again and made an illegal thing. The day I asked for the first time my first pack. After many years not only I convinced myself to quit but there was also an additional reason. I had sleep apnea and I had to use a CPAP machine and I can definitey not use it while I am smoking. It's a help breathing machine. Yes, you can die from sleep apnea in the long term. Carrie Fischer did. I keep failing because in my head which is a terrible place with many thoughts I keep thinking smoking as a partner who you have in good times and bad times. In these images I am young, free with a lot of friends smoking and rolling their own cigarettes and having fun. Now I am 29, I am not that outgoing anymore. I like staying in at my free time. I have very few friends. I am more wise but lonely too. I miss those times but after a while I don't. I see A LOT of people smoking. At the bus stations, while walking, at the exit of the metro, waiting someone, outside of the hospitals (many of them are doctors!) or stores, at some movies or series there is still that image of the cool guy smoking and puffing. I've read some articles here and people tend to be rude instead of supportive to those who relapse. This is a terrible guy. Trust me, coming here and uploading my blog it's often a confession. A confession of my failure. We already have enough guilt and regret. Sorrry but it's an addiction we are talking about. After heroin and cocaine it's nicotine and that damn thing controls us. What we do is denying that control. Cigarettes indeed are pretty useless as Alan Carr said. They don't offer us anything, they just control us and killing us slowly. But I can't block cigarettes from my eyesight and I am starting to understand that instead of going apeshit and argue that this stick kills you and controls you, these people are addicted. Simply as that. Most of you probably live in US or in countries where smoking indoors is prohibited but I am living in a place where half of the adult population is smoking. Greece is one of the top 5 countries worldwide with the highest smoking rates. Definitely 1st in Europe. To me , smoking is a thing of the past. I don't want it anymore. It makes me sick. I have no breaths and I can not take a walk of my dog because I don't have that good breathing. I get easily exhausted and many headaches. My body rejects it. I keep trying and it's damn hard. My father tries to quit smoking after 5 decades of smoking. He simply can't because it's his part of his life. A big part. Let's be easy to those who relapse, everyone has its reasons. And if you failed, don't worry. You can try many times until you complete the game. You have unlimited lives and if you keep practing in the end you will make it. Cheers!
