~~I didn't even know I was addicted until I tried to stop.~~ Unknown
Finding your quit difficult? Finding yourself stressed, anxious? Finding it difficult to get through your day without crying, getting angry? Feeling tired?
All parts of the thing called "addiction". Addiction isn't over when you quit smoking, you know. In fact, quitting brings your addiction out full force. And it doesn't fight pretty. It will lie to you, get you to doubt yourself AND everyone else, and beat your body down, your mind down, and your spirit down.
You need to know this. You need to truly understand that addiction is a battle you can't win....you have to surrender to. Battling only makes addiction stronger. Surrendering lets it go.
Even if you don't battle your addiction, saying things like "I feel like I'm missing my best friend" is nurturing it. Thinking that you would rather smoke than be so angry all the time is nurturing it. Believing that your pain is so great you need to get away from it is nurturing it. Turning away from the freedom you have had for 30+ days is nurturing it. "Slipping" is nurturing it.
As much as you need to understand addiction, you also need to recognize that when you nurture it, it also grows. When you are resentful of your quit, it grows. When you hate the discomfort of your quit, it grows.
Surrendering to your addiction weakens it. That doesn't mean you smoke, it means you understand that you can't EVER smoke because one will never be enough. It doesn't mean that you try maybe in a month or two, it means that your quit needs to be nurtured each and every moment. It doesn't mean that you go back to smoking, it means that you look forward to a life without smoking. We will always be addicted, we just refuse to feed it anymore.
And nurturing our addiction needs to stop. We have not lost our best friend, we lost a killer. We do not need to smoke to manage stress, we need to manage stress. Stop babying your addiction and start babying and nurturing your quit. It will keep you alive.
I often say that we can't believe everything we think. Because our brains search for what they are used to....and in addiction, they are used to nicotine. We need to rewire it. That takes time, effort, and intelligence. Choose wisely the thoughts you invest in. It could be the difference between life and death.