No quotes this evening. No usual, feel good post. Simply a large amount of honesty.
Today, I was talking to a friend I met here on Ex when I first found this site about 6 years ago. We were discussing the changes on Ex, the posts, the people....just chatting. She asked me why I didn't talk to people like I used to. I used to post on everyone's board, I used to rspond to everyone's blogs, I used to be here hours at a time. She also asked why I didn't tell others the struggles I had been through as she thought it would help others to see me as I really am.
I want to share with you what I told her because it's important to me that you understand me. Why I'm here. Why I am the way I am now. So please bear with me.
This site isn't about me. When you come here and read blogs and respond to posts and talk with other quitters, this site is about you! How you are doing, what problems you are experiencing, how your quit is growing. I have been quit for over 3 years. It is solid and I have confidence in my ability to keep my quit. But I will never forget the struggles I had 6 years ago. I will never forget the bewilderment of failed attempts. The crushing disappointments. The loneliness of a quitter who 'couldn't' quit.
So I come here and offer a little hope. A little insight. A smile every now and then.
You do not need to hear my life story. Not because I'm above that, but because we all have stories. We all have shattered dreams, unforseeable tragedies, heart breaking events, life changing episodes. All of those things mold us into who we now are. I'm no different. But I came through the life changing episodes with the promise that I wouldn't look back. I wouldn't hold on. I wouldn't revisit what tried to break me.
I quit smoking, you see, only after I had decided I wouldn't be broken. I quit smoking when I decided it was time to love me, to love life, to create something precious from something that was at times dark and ugly.
My choice. My decision. And it worked for me. I was able to quit smoking with far less trouble than my previous attempts. I wanted to battle the nicodemon....I was ready to be a warrior....but he came in with a whimper and left defeated because I would not be broken.
Now, please remember that quitting is a personal, invidivual journey. You don't have to understand mine in order to create yours. You don't have to listen to me, you don't have to like me, you don't have to believe me. Your quit, my friend, is yours. Quit your way. Use whatever it is you want to use. Be whomever you want to be during your quit.
But I can't be anyone but me. I will continue to offer positive posts. I will continue to be a happy quitter. I will continue to love my life. All because I can't do anything else. It's who I am.
So you don't have to know my life story to know that I have one. You don't have to hear about my struggles to understand I've had them.
As for why I don't spend hours here anymore and why I don't write on everyone's boards or posts.....I am busy living my life. I work, I have a soon to be 14 year old, 2 grandchildren, a slightly aging mother, friends, neighbors. I have my volunteer work, my yard work, my creative work. I am busy but I adore my life!!
And yet I adore Ex as well! I come here to share, to listen, to support, and to honor the site that helped me not only find my quit but find myself in the process. I'm not here a lot but I am here. I try to do good.
Ok. I've vented. I've explained. I hope it's helped those who don't know who I am to know why I'm here. I love the Ex community and I've been a part of it for years. I've earned my place, I believe. I've earned my quit. And that is enough for me. I hope you continue your own journey, finding your quit and yourself in the process.