As I have peeled back the onion layers of myself through this quit, I discovered, as many have before me, that I covered up a lot of my boo-boos with cigarettes as a band-aid. Ripping away those band-aids has been a bit daunting at times, but I have come to terms with living my life truthfully. I have no excuses for the 19 years that I smoked. I cannot make excuses for myself, or for other smokers, any longer, because I have seen the truth and the truth has set me free from nicotine. However, I did have a lot of guilt about the past that I needed to let go of and this Buddhist prayer of forgiveness that I found has helped me quite a lot. I have it written out on my fridge and I look at it often. I just thought it might help someone who has moved forward from smoking to continue to look ahead...we can't change the past, but we can shape our futures.
It makes me feel better to think that I smoked due to confusion, not stupidity on my part...I was confused, I was in a nicotine fog and I wasn't thinking clearly. It takes some time after you quit for the fog to clear, but as long as you make that commitment to yourself to never take another puff and stick with it, everything becomes so clear. There is no reason to smoke cigarettes, none whatsoever, and the sooner you move forward and leave that behind you, the sooner you can start living your life outside of the big black cloud that is nicotine addiction. Quitting smoking has made my heart lighter, my laugh easier. I still get upset, but I can handle it, I don't need to go breathe in smoky chemicals to make my problems go away, which doesn't work at all anyway! The problems are still there when you are done smoking, so you've wasted time and harmed your body, which usually made me feel guilty, not better. I am not ashamed of myself any longer for smoking and it feels so good! The sooner you get here, the better, because if I can quit smoking, anyone can. Concentrate on not smoking today, however way works for you. Forgive yourself from your past and allow your body and mind the chance to heal from smoking. You are so worth it.