Cleopatra Act

Blog Post created by autumnwoman on May 18, 2013

In case your wondering, it's my shorthand for "Queen of Denial".

Yesterday I saw my pulmonologist.  He was very complimentary towards me about my weight loss and the improvements that had resulted from it (no more CPAP, no more blood pressure medication and no more cholesterol medication).  He decided to put me through the 6-minute walking test while measuring my oxygen levels.  When I was done, He told me that her was thinking of putting me on oxygen because my levels under exertion were lower than he liked.

His phone rang at that point and I was left to mull that idea over.  Can you say panic?  Mind you, this doctor has said to me before that I have COPD but that information didn't penetrate.  To my way of thinking people with COPD were like my uncle who spent his last days in deep distress.  Here I was exercising regularly and my shortness of breath was a lot better than when I first started seeing this doctor a few years ago.  I'm not one of *those* people, am I?  Oxygen?  How am I going to get around?  

Well, catch me stalling for time (denial into bargaining)  When the doctor got off the phone I asked him if it could've been a fluke.  He thought about it for a moment and decided that he would give me an additional inhaler (That makes three -- I don't have a breathing problem, do I?) and repeat the test in a month.

I came home and started asking questions online and in my 3-D life.  The answers I got lead me to believe that there are things I can do to help myself, and I was reminded a few times that I can get a second opinion.  When I got up this morning I wasn't looking forward to the day.  The recovering part of me made me get up and go about my routines and I'm feeling a lot better physically, emotionally and spiritually now.  And perhaps I now know better than to ignore the damage that 37 years of smoking has done to me.  In spite of my being quit 4 and 1/2 years, I'm and ex-smoker, not a non-smoker and there is a difference.  I'll never recapture the feeling of a body undamaged by smoking.

And this is one more reason to say N.O.P.E.