I smoked. A friend who smokes came over to visit and pretty soon I am asking for a cigarette. I had to take the next step and buy a pack. I have even been smoking wearing the patch. I felt so out of control. I had my 2 week checkup on how my neck is doing after surgery. I don't have to see my doctor for 3 months. He wants me in physical therapy. I have to learn to move like a robot as he said. I am not to turn my neck as I normally did as the bones are fused and need to heal. All I have been focusing on is what I CAN'T DO. I have been depressed. I look around and see all that I would normally do and I can't do it now. No bending, twisting, lifting more than 5 pounds. I totally lost my focus in everything. So here I am back. I am going to make this a winning round. I asked myself why I am so unable to accomplish this task. I don't know. I just need to keep moving on. So I am setting a new quit date for Feb 14. I will continue the patch and lozenge. It's like a hibernating bear wakes up inside me and takes over to wreck any type of change I made. I know I can do this. So I am going to focus on what I CAN DO. I can read, I can walk in the house, there is a lot of snow out and it's very cold, I have no desire to go out for fear of falling. I can write in my journal. There are many things I can do, it's like I lost interest. I know my body has been through a big trauma, so I need to be extra kind to it. And smoking is not acceptable. I pray for strength to quit smoking. I receive the strength and then I mess things up. Anyway, I am going to make every effort to be true to this site and listen to all of you. So until next time, Stay safe.
Newbie starting a new.