Community
Recently, was a victim of a crime and going through a mourning after the lost of my husband 3yrs ago. I started back smoking, my children are very unhappy , and beg me to stop, with tears in there eyes, so let the healing began. Just need the support, yrs guys graciously gave me a few yrs ago.
jacque
Well Jacque falling down isn't failure, staying down is.
I'm saddened to hear of your loss & I know it can't be easy with children still at home. Try to ease some of their grief by quitting. What they're seeing is maybe losing another parent if you keep smoking. I know we do this for ourselves but you have to be there for them.
You know that everyone here will have your back & provide any support needed so bank on that. You're gonna succeed again. You're in my prayers.
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through we're all here for you and we know that you can and will succeed in this precious quit! Let the healing process begin, we are here for you.....
Welcome to the community, Jacque!
I remember you from your first quit journey! I am so sorry for the difficulties in your life and your precious quit lost. I send my sympathy on the loss of your husband. My suggestion is that you prepare again for your quit as though you are starting anew - because in a way, you are. Redo the reading, get your you lists of why you want to quit and things you can do instead ready. Get a crossword book, a jigsaw puzzle, or adult coloring book and crayons, straws to cut in lengths, sugarfree gum or mints, and whatever else you found helpful your first round. You might also review your earlier blogs with good advice when you encountered tough times.
The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware. I credit it in large part with my success at quitting. You can search for it online or at your local library.
You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract. I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another. You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them.. For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum. For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for obvious reasons.
It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
You need to distract yourself through any craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!
Nancy
So sorry for all the trauma you've had in your life. I lost my husband at a young age, so I understand how hard the absence is. I didn't know you then, but I'm happy to meet you now. Coming back to the Ex is the best thing you could have done. That takes courage to admit that you made a mistake, but it takes even more courage to commit to quitting again. You know how to do this, so just reach out anytime you need support. I know how much it meant for me.
Barb
I remember you too, I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I am sure your kids want you as healthy as possible and that they are worried about you. You are doing the right thing, coming here and starting your quit over again. I know how long you were quit, how long have you been smoking? Read everything that Youngatheart.7.4.12 has recommended and stay close to the site. I came here every morning and every evening when I first quit and oftentimes in between if I felt like I needed a boost from EX. We are here, my friend, just like YOU were here for us when you quit. You can do this again, one day at a time, one feeling at a time. NOPE, Not One Puff Ever.
Welcome back.
Hugs,
Ellen
I'm sorry to for the pain you are going thru. The tears falling from your children s eyes is the love they have for you
Happy you are quitting again A lot of good people here to help you.
Carl
Thank you guys for the wonderful words of encouragement and love. I told my family, I got a lot of support with my ex family 
Welcome back....I also remember you. I am so sorry about the things you have been faced with. However, you have done the right thing by returning here. You know about the support - so, please stay close. If you haven’t read Carr’s book - please check it out.....and if you have read it - reread it! You know how to do this....we are here for you!
My first quit lasted 2 1/2 years and i relapsed. I had gotten terrible news my mother illness was terminal. A drink and a smoke i was back smoking, not a pack a day right away but here and there and in no time i was back to my addiction. Quit right away, i waited a couple years and it made things harder to quit the 2nd time. A lot of blown quits, dont make the mistake i made and wait. I'm sorry about the loss of your husband and being a victim of a crime .. Your children are right as if you continue smoking life's ending is bad..
Quit because you want to, don't wait until you have to
I remember you! I am so sorry for all of the pain and sadness you have experienced. but, as I am sure you see now....going back to smoking didn't do anything about the pain and sadness. What should you do? By all means, set a quit date and quit. Don't waste too much time before setting your new quit date. You MUST remember how GREAT freedom felt! I too, relapsed after a long quit.......only one thing to do....pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.
We are here.
Stay Strong.
so sorry lost of husband 
Hugs to you & welcome (back). Sorry for the loss of your husband.
Martha
I am so sorry for your loss. I am new here and have found this site and the people are truly amazing! Stay close and we will support you through it all. Take care!
Say "I'm going to wait a little longer" every time you think of smoking.
No denial, no counting. Just getting you off autopilot and ready to stop.
So sorry to read this. I do remember you..... I left smoking in Nov 2013.
I am sure you have great heart, and hence you are back here EX community.
You will get good support here, and huge inducement to stop smoking asap, and surely you will do that.
Stay connected. All the Best !
I think one of the best things is coming here! Have you set a date? I tracked my cigarettes to identify triggers so l could actually PLAN for them. It really helped me. You know how to do this 
So sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost mine about 2 1/2 years ago. The support here is wonderful.
Hey lady good job. I'm here to support you. I have 4 kids 7,9,11,12. They do the same thing. I also lost my husband in 2013. It does get easier. Some days are hard. Doing this alone is hard. I also need to quit. I have bad asthma as well. Have you picked a quit date? Mine is tomorrow. Good luck.
HI and welcome to the EX Ms118318... I hope today went well for you (your first day).. please stay in touch with us...pledge daily on the site to not smoke... and if you're think you are going smoke, please post here FIRST and wait for help to come your way.. we are here to support one another...
Suzy
Thank you. Is there an app that I can use?
Hi Ms118318... Each day we pledge on the site to not smoke-- notifictions of this will come directly to your inbox. Just click to open up the message and respond to that message with your intent to not smoke as well for that particular day. It helps plant in your brain the decision to not smoke and commits your decision to others in the program, making your pledge more binding, so to say. It really helps us stay true to our word that we will not smoke this day no matter what. Also, on your home page is an icon to click in order to enter your daily pledge which can be used as an alternate way of submitting your pledge.
Hope all's going well!
Welcome to EX, you really DO need to quit, asthma is nothing to underestimate. Sounds to me like you are another super hero! I am hoping that Youngatheart.7.4.12 sees your comment & gives you her very valuable welcome.
Ellen
Thanks for the heads up - Got it to her earlier!
Thank you. I appreciate it. I've had alot of life stressors lately. Changes, 6 months of sobriety, I've been smoking more since that. It's become the one thing I've been using. Do you know where I can get a copy of that "allen somethings" book? Is it good? Everyone keeps talking about it.
Alan Carr. Author of the book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking." It is available online to include on Amazon. Helped me a lot! One thing that took the pressure off a bit, at least for me, is that he says not to quit smoking until you have finished the book!! So, I kept smoking while I soaked in his words and once I finished the book I was ready for my day one~
I went to our local library & took it out, it’s “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking” l am sure you can get a reasonable copy from Amazon. It’s an easy read. Once you have been quit for a while, you will realize that nicotine feeds stress rather than relieving it. Congratulations on your sobriety.!
Ellen
Sending you good vibes and prayers! The grief process is so difficult. And long. It does help when we share with those we trust. Wishing you the best!
Oh... my heart breaks for you! I’m sitting here thinking
”you turned to that familiar coping mechanism “
(crutch)
but my beloved... smoking doesn’t fix or change your pain. It’s a band aid. And a good one!! But not real. Turn to others. Nature has a profound healing effect... even as you’re walking/hiking in the depths of sadness. Reach for the dog, feel the softness of their fur. Reach for the cup of tea, and savor it
stand in the shower an extra 5 min
and feel the warmth and soothing water on your skin
and cry if you feel like it....
im so struggling in my quit of 24 small days
but your post reminded me
it is
a crutch
a burden
a hassle
stinky
expensive
and it doesn’t add anything truly meaningful,positive, or necessary
to get me thru my day
I, too, remember you from before. I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through so much, including giving up your quit. 2020, what a year.
Stay close by here, and do what you know works. Thinking of you.
Thinking of you, my friend. Please know that we are all here to help you in any way that we possibly can.
Hugs,
Ellen
Your doing it....your here asking for help to get back on track.
Stick around now and cinch up the saddle and get back on.
Take it one day at a time and ask for help and be specific! Miracles and healing happen every day! I am so sorry for your loss and your awful victim situation! You will be in my prayers for healing! Rosemary
Jacque-smoke-freedom
Sorry to hear of the pain you're going through. That is a lot to deal with. I'm glad you're back to seek assistance from the EX Community. People are just waking up and I'm sure will see your post soon.
Mark
EX Community Manager