What happened? I thought I was unstoppable with my quit!
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What happened? I thought I was unstoppable with my quit!
I guess I got tired of fighting so hard, so I gave in and gave up. My inspiration expired. I know that's not good. If y'all want to be mad, please remember, it's not supposed to be a judgment zone.
Definitely no judgements or anger. AnnetteMM just asked to clarify what happened. Often it helps to more pinpoint advice. But just writing it was good. Your conviction is still there and that is what matters most. Lots of good support and caring. We’ve all been there. We’re all here for you.
Thank you all so much for your help!!
It's so hard to convey proper emotions online. My "all-caps" were meant as emphasis, not anger or anything. You asked "what happened" and I asked you back. I mean, only YOU know what happened. If you're fighting too hard, can we help you figure out why?
Not mad and not judgmental. I have fallen off the wagon too many times to have anything but empathy.
The wagon is still there if you want to climb back on.
Do you know what happened? You mentioned being tired.
Being brutally honest with yourself about what went wrong can set you up for success the next time.
PT
I'm so sorry to read this, 14Djsquitwon ! How long were you quit, and how long have you been smoking again?
It would really help to know what the circumstances were that lead to your tossing your quit...??
We are never finished or completely done with this addiction. It goes to sleep, but for us addicts, we must maintain vigilance and not get over-confident or complacent. It just doesn't work that way, as many of us, myself included, have found out. I don't know how many times I thought I was "cured", only to fall into a "just one to prove it" or "just one for now thru this...(fill in the blank) " trap, only to be caught back in the addiction and full time smoking.
I also relate to the "tired of the fight" feeling, but if you keep on no matter what, the fight diminishes and pretty much goes away except for little gnat-moments of thought that are easily swept away... not a fight just a flick.
We're asking what happened not to be judgmental at all, but to try to help you figure out what you can do the next time the same situation arises (it always does, that's life) , to help you learn so you won't fall into the same trap and help with coping skills to solidify your quit.
Best to you going forward!
Thanks Marcium
*Thanks Marciem
Hi and Welcome Back 14Djsquitwon Don’t me mad at you...but get the confidence and get back in the journey...You need to find that inspiration every day...do the work...keep close to hear and encourage others on their quit and ask for help before you smoke, give us a chance to talk you down...anyways, you need to want it...someday you will have to quit...I hope you will choose it today...we are still here for you every step of the way...~ Colleen 241 DOF
Well we're here to help you get that inspiration back! 'Cause this free breathing wagon is a great load off one's burdens. Especially that burden of wondering if and when we'll get some smoking-related disease. You might poke your nose in the Relapse Prevention group. Some wisdom there.
You are not alone in the relapse department. Part of making it past the The Point of No Return is accepting your choice and sticking with it no matter what. Yes, it's hard to keep fighting. That's why it's so important to gain the knowledge of how to change our thinking. Expectations, Timelines and the Reality YOU Create Regroup and get excited about finally doing it once and for all. We're excited for you and cheering you on!
Thanks
Nothing judgmental--we've all been there before. Mad is not in our vocabulary. We want you to be successful--that's why we're here. Get right back on track. Waiting too long makes it even harder. I understand what you're saying about fighting too hard. It can wear you out. Attempt to not to make it a battle, although that can be easier said than done. Try to change your self-talk into something more positive. I used (and still do), I don't do that anymore. So, what's your new quit date?
Barb
Hi again, 14Djsquitwon. I'm going to post here a post that was on my old Quit Smoking board, that speaks to fighting the battle, or sometimes just going with it. She called it "Ride the Wave".
The user's name was Monojo, and she was a great inspiration to me in the early days of my quit...
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Posted 30 January 2014 - 05:36 PM by Monojo
I wrote this a while ago for someone who was struggling, and was asked to share it. This person had said that she was having waves of anxiety and smoking thoughts. I hope it can help someone! Ride the wave, man, it's like, gnarly.
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OK, I might be taking a metaphor too far here, but...you know how at the beach when you want to swim out beyond the breakers? To where it is nice and calm and you can just float. As you wade in, it seems like the waves keep wanting to push you back to shore. And at first they knock you over-- they tumble and toss you underwater; they throw you into the sand, and you can't even tell which way is up. But you are tenacious, and you want to get beyond the breakers. So this time you try to just pretend the waves aren't there. You turn your back to them and plant your feet, but they still smack you on the back; they leave a red mark and they push you over. But this time it didn't push you over all the way-- you are still in the water. You don't have to wade back anymore. The next wave that comes, you decide to turn your body sideways and jump a little bit. It feels weird to jump at first, but then you realize that you actually have more control that way. That little jump, that leap of faith, makes things so much easier. This time, you feel the power of the wave, but it doesn't hurt you.
Next, you see a really big wave coming. It looks ominous. It's already starting to break. You know that if you try to stand up to it, it will just tumble your butt back to shore. It might rip off your bathing suit top while it's at it. You can't flail around, you can't turn your back, you can't even turn to the side. Instead, you take a deep breath, and you just dunk yourself underwater and wait for it to roll over you. You come back up, and you're a little panicked. Where are you?? But within an instant you realize that you are beyond the breakers, right where you want to be. Where it is calm, and you can see the shore, and just float. This time, you felt the power of the wave, and you allowed it to help you.
I think you are at the point where you are turning yourself sideways. Hang on, pretty soon you will be diving headlong into those waves. I'll see you at the beach soon with my boogie board!
Fabulous, Marcie. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!
I love everything about this!!
CONGRATS staying NICOTINE free TODAY!
Why do you say congrats on being nicotine free today? I have not been nicotine free today. But I sure have been reading and thinking about getting straight
So sorry that you lost your quit, that fighting will get you every time, it sure got me. I was exhausted from fighting and my addiction always won. It was only when I accepted that quitting is a journey and not an event and I started to concentrate on the positives of being quit that I was able to stay quit. It has been over 5 1/2 years and I don't let down my guard, my mantra is STILL NOPE, Not One Puff Ever...I don''t ever want to start over, I did more than enough damage before I quit.
Many of us have had to start over and over and over, I am one of those people. I never regret quitting but I DO regret not doing it earlier.
You can do this.
Ellen
Thank you, Ellen!
I've come to believe that for many of us quitting really means smobering up. Some people walk a way from quitting and don't look back. But many need more than that--to change one's outlook on the addiction--and think of quitting as a journey of recovery. Takes time and wisdom. On the wisdom front, Ex offers me and every quitter good medicine everyday.
Growing up and out of dependency is tricky, don't go it alone.
YOU tell US! What happened??