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So I have set a new final quit date for August 1st. My anniversary with my love. I had a cigarette last night with him and also a huge break through. I feel terrible this morning, just after 1 cigarette. I only went out because I wanted to connect with him. Smoking felt filthy. I didn't even enjoy the actual cigarette.I did enjoy the time with him.
I think the understanding is that the addiction isn't just about the nicotine. It is about everything that comes with it. I'll just make new quit day today. I don't feel as broken by the relapse as I did before. I think the fear of the unknown is intense. The loss of an old friend that smells bad and makes it hard to breath but an old friend non the less. It's difficult as all of you know. For me I've realized that I needed true understanding of my attachment before a full quit. The new chapter in my life that doesn't involve smoking is scary. Exciting but also scary. It is loss of recklessness of youth, leading me into middle age, which is also so intense. Lisa of a specific connection with my partner. Scared this could mean loss of our relationship. Could also make us grow closer but...might not.
Then quit now...if it made you feel terrible...how are you going to avoid this situation in the future...I think you have some much needed work to do...get busy...~ Colleen 233 DOF
I know I need to.
Understanding our full relationship (attachment as you put it) to this addiction is a must in overcoming it. It IS much more than just that desperate need for nicotine that drives us. It's the behavioral aspect that we need to work through. If you do enough reading, the unknown becomes the known. So keep reading. Looking forward to the next part of your journey.
Mmmmm hmmmmm, but - what is it you actually understand?