I think the understanding is that the addiction isn't just about the nicotine. It is about everything that comes with it. I'll just make new quit day today. 
I don't feel as broken by the relapse as I did before. I think the fear of the unknown is intense. The loss of an old friend that smells bad and makes it hard to breath but an old friend non the less. It's difficult as all of you know. For me I've realized that I needed true understanding of my attachment before a full quit. The new chapter in my life that doesn't involve smoking is scary. Exciting but also scary. It is loss of recklessness of youth, leading me into middle age, which is also so intense. Lisa of a specific connection with my partner. Scared this could mean loss of our relationship. Could also make us grow closer but...might not.
