Fell off the wagon after 4 years :(

[Alyssadone]

So I had to reset my quit date for today after 4 years being smoke free. I picked up again for really no reason at all, boredom I guess. I made a mistake and assumed I could have one and forgot N.O.P.E. I’m really mad at myself that I did not have the strength for just one and within a few weeks I bought a pack, then another. I’m starting over again and I know I can do it. As disappointing as it is, I’ve learned a valuable lesson. I can’t have just one. I also hated it this time around. I smelled bad, had to explain to people that I used to smoke, and realized even more what a waste of money it is. So glad this sir is here to hold me accountable and I’m looking forward to hitting my new milestones again. 

[indingrl]

Yahoooooooooo CONGRATS AND WELCOME BACK - GOOD JOB AND WAY TO GO! Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - also thank YOU so much for sharing YOUR courage and self honesty - I am so grateful to YOU for HELPING ME to remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - NOT ONE PUFF EVER - N.O.P.E. - please continue to blog BEFORE YOU take that first puff over YOU - please remember - YOU still have YOUR 4 YEARS experience in YOUR loving heart as a NON SMOKER - living one day at a time - YOUR filled with knowledge and wisdom ALL about YOU - gentle hug ❤

[YoungAtHeart]

I am SO sorry we did not hammer home to you that there is NEVER "just one" to an addict.  The decision for that first one was your fault - going back to being a full-time smoker was an aspect of the addiction.  You can never, ever, (no, not ever  even after YEARS of being quit) have even one.  It will reawaken your addict within and proceed to make you one again.

I am so glad you are back with us - and look forward to your new journey!

Nancy

[MarilynH]

I'm so sorry that you relapsed but I'm so glad that you are back with all of us here at Ex and we're all here for you and your precious quit journey, welcome back you've got this......

[JonesCarpeDiem]

OUCH!

I don't know what to say because you obviously knew how to quit for 4 years.

[Giulia]

Sorry.  Yup.  It's awful to have to go back to another Day One.  But glad you've jumped back on here.  I find it interesting that you hated smoking this time around.  Once we've had that taste of freedom, we can never be a happy smoker again, I think.  But you CAN be a happy non-smoker.  And you WILL.  Stay connected here.  It really helps.

[Gwenivere]

I think you are right Giulia.  I could start smoking again, but I don’t know if I would lie it very much.  Yes, the immediate gratification.  I miss that from it.  I also miss that from another drug I was addicted to.  But it wasn’t as hard  to stop as this is.  Who would have ever thought a legal substance could kick the ass of an illegal, expensive drug?  One thing I do know is if I went back, I’d probably never try and quit again.  Maybe that is what keeps me on the straight and narrow.  The hardest of both are psychological.  I thought coke was bad.  Shows me why this is a big deal and not to take lightly p.  

[Giulia]

That's my fear too, Gwen.  If I ever went back to smoking, I'm not sure I have it in me to go through the beginning quitting stage again.  That why, fortunately, WE DON'T HAVE TO!  All we have to do is maintain our quits.  That's it.  Just stay the course and there will NEVER BE ANOTHER DAY ONE.  Day 10 is so far ahead of Day 1.  We don't know that when we're in the middle of it, but when we look back at it fro day 101, we recognize the truth of it.  Quitting's hell until it isn't.  And when it isn't, the relief is what we call Freedom.  

[sweetplt]

Welcome Back to Ex’s ... I am sorry you lost your quit...but you are not alone...I am so happy you decided to quit again...work the program and prepare...especially finding things to do when you are bored...so you don’t smoke...keep close to the site...we are all in this together...~ Colleen 214 DOF 

[NewMe]

Noooooooooooo is what I said to myself when I saw the title of your blog. I am coming up on my 4 year anniversary in August. I am so very sorry that you tempted fate and found out they were not just making up stories when they said you can never have just one. I do thank you for the reminder that NOPE is really forever, and I'm so sorry you had to find out the hard way. Lucky for us, this site is always here dishing out lots of advice, support, and wisdom. Congratulations on coming back here to the best way to quit and to stay quit!