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Question asked by George-Martin on Jun 28, 2019
Latest reply on Jun 30, 2019 by George-Martin

So I have dabbling with quitting for months now.  I just finalized a very brutal divorce situation- wife alcoholic pill addict- had 8 years clean- then 3 years of constant relapse-I am a sober of person of over 12 years- but addictive personality- codependent- go to AA and alanon for last 3 years-- She finally ran off with alcoholic attorney that tried representing himself to me as her divorce attorney- then he sent me an email saying he was in love with her and i should let her go- it was really ugly- he is now facing Ga Bar Disciplinary action.


I got into a relationship toward end of divorce with another woman-went on for months- didn't end well.  A bad decision to get involved before divorce was even final.


I say all that to say i have had a brutal year since July of 2018


I started working out back in dec of 2018- I just turned 60 and in probably the best physical shape of my life


The cigarettes have gotta go.


I was listening to Allen Carrs audio book a few days ago  and just decided to throw down the cigarettes and go for it- made it almost 2 days and then just couldn't take it anymore.


I look at this addiction like Tom Hanks on Castaway- when I quit- its like there is this big huge wave out there i just can't see over.  My cravings where so brutal tonight i just gave in


I have smoked since 15- I quit for 3 years about 4 years ago- I wasn't really a happy non smoker even though I was on this site- had read Allen Carrs book  yada yada.  My marriage was a constant source of chaos and drama which i don't have now.


I am still pining over this last woman- which really wasn't a very healthy relationship- I overdid everything-she broke up with me until divorce was final- used to see her in the gym and could tell she was flirting with other guys just to get me jealous-I just blew her off for months after my divorce was final.  I saw her again about 2 months later- she was looking really good- tried to get things going again- and she just was cold and only wanted to be friends-now Im heartbroken over her


Sorry for all this drama- I have never really seen myself as drama addict- maybe denial - Cigarettes just make anxiety so much worse- and quitting is a huge challenge!