Discouraged

[Gwenivere]

I’ve been reading so much here and getting such great support.  No smoke up my skirt answers, but real truths of others experiences echoed by others.  At day 12, I read the 2nd week wasn’t going to be as much better than I thought.  True.  Now I’ve run across a thread about No Mans Land at about 30 days and how hard a passage that could be for a long time.  It’s hard to keep up a good mental attitude when I keep hearing it’s going to possibly get even harder.  I’ve caught a cold so that isn’t helping either.  I’m not looking for miracles, but just reading at some point I will be glad isn’t cutting iit right now.  I’m depressed, tired and crying so much.  I don’t want a cigarette.  I’m just not finding coming here as appealing (?) as I did.  What else will I read with no real light can cling to?  It’s not anyone here’s fault, just my enthusiasm waning faster than I expected.  I’m also alone, literally.  No family, friends.  Just people I pay to spill my guts and am cut off from that because of various reasons for the next 2 weeks.  Can’t volunteer because I am sick.  Have an elderly dog I very worried about.   I watched cancer take my husband for 4 years and while this is not as horrid as that, I’m at a loss of how to do this alone.  This place is great, but it doesn’t replace human contact.  Sorry for making this sound like a plea for therapy, but addiction does need a lot of psych help.  I wish I did have someone here I could gripe to and maybe help me lighten up a bit.  Not that I would, but Anaussiemom said she wanted to bite her husband.  I understand that feeling.  I know if mine were here I’d see some extra motivation.  More time to live with him.  I just want to crawl into bed and not wake up for a very long time.  This quit was not planned.  I had no choice so maybe that is playing into it?  No reading, no planned date, no time to educate myself. Just bam!

I thank everyone of you for putting up with me.  

[Mandolinrain]

I remember those days...you describe vividly. I wanted to go to a secluded island and stay till the worst of this was over. I had days of 'not so bad'....'not good'...'horrific' and easygoing...sometimes just a mix of 'crazy' and I had to shelter myself away so I wouldn't unravel on everyone i cared about.

Can you maybe go to the library and rent some videos...or research a family line? Or do you have Netflix...theres many series on there. You have a computer...learn a new skill. Like knitting? Many free youtube classes.

Im gonna be around a lot recovering from surgery if you need to vent . I can pm you my number if you need to ever just vent or talk?

You never need to be alone. Yes, there will be some harder days and some better days. You can do this. It will end and the more bearable days will take over. I promise. Keep coming here and blogging as much as you can. I am sorry about your dog. I also have a dog who's senior years are coming to a close soon I fear. I understand how difficult that will be for BOTH of us. Know that we all care...and are here for you

Hugs~Missy

[KMC56]

Been there!!! 

I may not be alone, but dang I so wanted to get this addiction thing FAR behind me!  Like it  was a fast food order, right!

I did have family support, but at a point in time, they sure didn't want to hear me whine and crank every day, or look like a pathetic puppy!!

40 years of smoking addiction isn't an easy task, but wouldn't be 964 days free, and counting one day at a time.

What I did have was this site...gripe and moan all you want here, every understood, experiencing the same thing and/or had been there.

You'll get through this, and we're all here to help!

~Kathy  

[anaussiemom]

I wish I knew how I could help 😕 ?  Gwenivere



Hugs Kim

Kelly,

(my daughter live in Australia)   It is the true heart break of my life having her so far away.  Sometimes I feel like I may die from heart break more than anything else in my life. 



I am Here for you.  Tell me how?

[indingrl]

I hope you feel better soon-sorry you have a cold-so sorry about your husband-so sorry your dog aging-sorry you have no family-friends-human contact-thank you for your self honesty and courage-and so sorry you having rough time-i am proud of you -you aint using nicotine over any of your troubles and dealing with all your emotions-i think your doing GOOD-FANTASTIC-beautiful pic of you too-i love you and thank you for helping ME today.

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

No man's land is nowhere near as bad as the beginning. That blog is really about the fact that we must remain cautious for a little longer. By thirty days most people are feeling so much better and as such that's a time when people are known to relapse because they think they've already won. And it doesn't mean it'll happen to you. I'm sure you've read over a thousand times that no quit is the same. 

 As for "putting up with you", that's what we're here for and no we don't look at it like that. In fact, writing out your feelings can be incredibly beneficial for you, and we're always here to listen not because we have to be but rather because we want to be here. We all know how hard this process is. And we also know what the rewards are after our minds finally calm.

 And I have to be honest here. No addict likes to be told to quit. In fact, when my mother would harass me about smoking, I'd just shut down. But the thing is, you were brave enough to start the process and I commend you for that. 

 I don't know where you live but a lot of cities do have live support groups and support by phone with live people. Perhaps that's something you could look into. 

 This really isn't an endless process. It just seems that way sometimes. 

 The reality is that though you can't see us, we're real people just like you. I've always thought of the fact that when it comes to the heart and soul, there is no distance and as such, though you can't physically see us, we're right there with you!

 I know you're sick of hearing this but hang in there. it's your future you're talking about here and though that future might look bleak to you now, sometimes as we heal from the torment of addiction and realize just how precious this life is that we're fighting for, our future changes. We understand that the world is now what it once was, before the addiction. And with that comes a new outlook on everything and with that outlook, things can change for the better if you want it to.  

 The rewards really are real. All you have to do is want them more than you think you might want to smoke. Congratulations on 12 days! 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

[YoungAtHeart]

No Man's Land is not the same as the first days of your quit.  It is not nonstop - and it isn't a problem for all.  SOME people lose quits because they are feeling cocky - and a crave can hit, seemingly out of the blue.  No trigger or association in sight.  We just want you to be prepared JUST IN CASE one hits you - so you will know to be ready, not surprised, and use your tools to get past it.  These only last a day or two.  Don't despair.

It WILL get better.  If it didn't none of us would have made it.

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I've kind of been watching you spin in the wind.

It wasn't out of lack of concern.

I was watching you speak of everything but not move forward.

You still don't believe you can do it?

You need to settle in and settle down and realize this is strictly about change.

No need to cling to the past and be afraid.

Everyone's here to help you.

Everyone's here to see you through.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

and No Mans Land isn't continuous it's just a time period in which thoughts can come out of the blue that make you want to smoke.

[Giulia]

"Putting up with you?"  Hogwash!  We've been there, we know what it feels like.  It's the people who have never smoked who don't put up with quitters well.  NML is simply moving from the "EXcitement" stage into the maintenance stage.  I had never heard of it when I quit.  I didn't believe in it.  So it affected me not at all.  Try what Chuck suggested:  

800-QUIT-NOW (800-784-8669)

All states have quitlines with counselors who are trained specifically to help smokers quit. Call this number to connect directly to your state’s quitline. Hours of operation and services vary from state to state. 

And let us know if they helped.  You might also just check with your local hospital and see if they offer a smoke cessation class or have volunteers to talk to on the phone.  And your local Cancer Society.

You're plugging into the wrong mindset.  Focus your attention on the positive blogs, not the scary ones.  And if you haven't gone through the material in Best of EX, do. Also check out the Relapse Prevention group.  

You really want to know what that point is where you no longer suffer through the journey?  It's that moment you accept it.  With all of you.  When you close the door on the possibility of smoking.  When that door remains ajar, when that possibility to go to the store and buy a pack cigarettes exists in your reality, it will haunt you.  Close the door.  If you were on a desert island and had no possibility of attaining a cigarette, you'd not think about it in a very short time.  Pretend you're on that desert island.  

And when you start dwelling on the negatives, catch yourself and turn your focus in another direction.  It takes practice.  But you can do it.

You're sick with a cold and depressed.  You're weak.  Your addict mind is in full swing. Come on, girl, tell it to Eff Off.  You want immediate gratification.  That doesn't happen on this journey.  Sorry.  Fact.

You have a choice to make.  Stay the course, or go back to where you were before.  Do you really want to go back to where you were before?  Think about that.  You've come so far.   I sure hope you stick with it.  There are a lot of people here who really care about you.