Gwenivere

Discouraged

Discussion created by Gwenivere on Dec 13, 2018
Latest reply on Dec 14, 2018 by Marilyn.H.July.14.14.

I’ve been reading so much here and getting such great support.  No smoke up my skirt answers, but real truths of others experiences echoed by others.  At day 12, I read the 2nd week wasn’t going to be as much better than I thought.  True.  Now I’ve run across a thread about No Mans Land at about 30 days and how hard a passage that could be for a long time.  It’s hard to keep up a good mental attitude when I keep hearing it’s going to possibly get even harder.  I’ve caught a cold so that isn’t helping either.  I’m not looking for miracles, but just reading at some point I will be glad isn’t cutting iit right now.  I’m depressed, tired and crying so much.  I don’t want a cigarette.  I’m just not finding coming here as appealing (?) as I did.  What else will I read with no real light can cling to?  It’s not anyone here’s fault, just my enthusiasm waning faster than I expected.  I’m also alone, literally.  No family, friends.  Just people I pay to spill my guts and am cut off from that because of various reasons for the next 2 weeks.  Can’t volunteer because I am sick.  Have an elderly dog I very worried about.   I watched cancer take my husband for 4 years and while this is not as horrid as that, I’m at a loss of how to do this alone.  This place is great, but it doesn’t replace human contact.  Sorry for making this sound like a plea for therapy, but addiction does need a lot of psych help.  I wish I did have someone here I could gripe to and maybe help me lighten up a bit.  Not that I would, but Anaussiemom said she wanted to bite her husband.  I understand that feeling.  I know if mine were here I’d see some extra motivation.  More time to live with him.  I just want to crawl into bed and not wake up for a very long time.  This quit was not planned.  I had no choice so maybe that is playing into it?  No reading, no planned date, no time to educate myself. Just bam!

 

I thank everyone of you for putting up with me.  

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