My Sister

[smokenomorelpj]

Friends, 

I wanted to ask a question regarding my beloved sister. I just woke from a really bad dream about her. She smokes and over the holidays, I want to speak with her about it. It is difficult because I'm only off 64 days, so I'm still struggling, and I don't want to appear as if I'm lecturing her. I hated that myself. I had a friend who lived with me briefly, and at the time I smoked. I grew to dislike him because of his arrogant attitude about my smoking, especially since he was  a former smoker and current drinker (and he could drink). I don't want her to feel this way about me.

My sister has the ability to ignore you well. She will say, "yes, you are right...I'm going to quit". But, I know she won't. She won't go to therapy either, and I know she needs this as well.

Do you suggest I speak to her about the smoking? If so, how do I broker the conversation? I want to introduce her to this site but I'm unclear how. She has two great kids, but she, as most of us, is lonely and stubborn to the core.

Lewis  

[Mortalzeus]

I would simply share the beauty of your quit.  When she asks you how you are, let her know how much quitting has changed your life and your outlook on the future.  Tell her about how much confidence, in yourself, you have gained during the past 64 days and close with how this site has influenced and strengthened your resolve to achieve freedom.  

That may or may not spark her interest, but in the end you are not smoking and that's what really matters  

Stay Strong and Embrace the Journey

Darren

[JonesCarpeDiem]

She needs to know quitting smoking won't kill her. She needs to know she doesn't have to want to quit. She needs a different perspective.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I would lead by example. When I quit I did not say a word to my smoking Son. I just quit. Remember that more than 70% of smokers want to quit by their own testimony in polling. I zipped my lip and only addressed the fact that I cannot be around second hand smoke. Four Months later my Son told me he had Quit Smoking without me saying word one! So I asked him why he quit and he astonished me. He said, "Dad, if you could quit smoking after all those Years, then there's no reason I can't quit, too! Better now than later!" 

/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2010/06/11/my-son-just-told-me 

I don't know you or your Sister or your relationship. I know what worked for me.

Best Wishes and Congratulations on 64 Smoke FREE Days!

[Giulia]

I always open the conversation by saying:  "If you ever want to quit, there's this great website with amazing people on it who have been there, done that and have lots of wisdom to offer.  And they're just plain FUN to talk to!"  We've all learned that the minute you start talking about smoking and quitting, the fear defense  fence immediately goes up.  We know this because that's how WE felt when someone did it to us.  That's why I start with "if you ever want to...." IF I broach the subject at all.  

Leading by example is the best way.  Something that just occurred to me is that you could send a link to a particular blog that was fun, humorous, not too heavy handed, yet gets the points across.  Maybe a particular blog from Best of EX?  You know your sister, so you could pick one that you think might actually grab her and pull her in emotionally.  You might simply say you've joined this great site and there's a wonderful blog you think she'd like....would she mind if you shared the link.  Or just copy and paste the blog itself into an email and send it that way.  We have to tread oh so lightly with smokers.  Don't want to scare them away.  Or you could plug her into a blog minorly related to quitting or find a group that you think might be interesting to her - again one that's kind of off-topic that would be a more gentle lead-in.  Just an idea.

[elvan]

I never tried to get anyone to quit...at least not overtly.  I DID talk a LOT about MY quit and about EX and how much support I was getting.  I did not tell anyone that they should go there...I hated being told that I should quit, I KNEW that, I had known that for a very long time.  I asked people to excuse my disorientation, my disorganization, and I explained that I quit smoking and that I was experiencing some side effects but that they were all worth it.  Many people asked me how I did it and expressed an interest in the site.  To my knowledge, no one came here but I would not necessarily know if they had.  Right now, your focus has to be on YOUR quit, it is the only one you can control and you can celebrate it every day!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

I would keep it VERY simple with a touch of love.  If she doesn't already know I would let her know that you have quit smoking and let her know how happy that you are and quitting is doable.  Realize that smoking is HER choice.  In love share the information with her and let it go.  Let her know that you will be willing to help her when SHE is ready. 

[maryfreecig]

     I prefer power of example. You can always talk about what you have faced in quitting and how you have gotten through it (the ups and downs)--but in no way recommending or pressuring her to quit--most smokers want to quit.  It has to come on one's own initiative. When you are honest about your own struggles, that's something she is likely to listen to.

    Only my two cents worth.

[smokenomorelpj]

Friends, 

I will follow your advice. I will lead by example. Say nothing and let her see the happiness. I will introduce her to this amazing site though. But, I will just introduce it to her. I won't try to convince her of anything. 

I think you're right on this one. 

Lewis 

[elvan]

You can get cards to pass out...fill out the form and Mark‌ will get them to you.  I carry them with me all the time.

BecomeAnEX Wallet Card Request 

I have also left them with doctors, at their request.