There is nobody looking, tell me what would you do?

Discussion created by BryantD on Jun 15, 2017
Latest reply on Jun 19, 2017 by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

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Ok,,tell me what happens when you get the urge to smoke, only because it is a habit, and the triggers never really go away, you just learn to subdue them? Well here it is I am in a room and my best friend is smoking. I usually smoke with him as we talk and about talking, about nothingnext to smomething that could be important. The trigger was the entire situation. What do I do with my hands? What do I do about the stinky smell that is all too familiar, but none the less I want to join in. Do I tell my friend to put the cigarette out? Do I just walk away? Do I grab a cigarette and join in? In this case tell me what would you do.. there is no right or wrong answers so be brutally honest, what would you do?

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30 Replies

BryantD Jun 15, 2017 11:18 PM
We can be ourselves here so the truth matters.
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- BryantD @ BryantD on Jun 18, 2017 12:07 AM
  The real test here, is nothing to do with if one should smoke or not. That is a personal ( cross to bare) so to speak. We have not all been the strongest folk we are pretending to be now. I am sure that there is a number count on the times you have quit, honestly... but the real test here is tolerance. As a smoker you would not dare allow someone to tell you were to smoke, how long to smoke, or even what to smoke. You forced people to allow you to do you. Good, bad, or indifferent.. tolerance. Now, I am the one who gave up smoking, so do I now declare war on my friends and family who are in love with the idea, and what cigarettes do to and for them? Do I now at them as scum of the earth the way folk did me, while I rolled my eyes, and took an even deeper puff. As a none smoker, my friend has every right to continue to live life on his terms, and I have nnnnnoooo, right To impede on that, none whatsoever. Him smoking, and me making him feel bad because we have different opinions, and made different choices, not fair. I would not have stood for that as a smoker and as a none smoker will not stand for it. We are at different levels in life and for me to tell someone that I am better so stop and don't do this or that makes me worst than they are. At least they do what they do, and not bother me, but my crazy behind is gonna tell them, as if Inhad the right, what to do, and make them choose being present with me and enjoying their time with a smoke or ailinating self from me or the cigarette. Wow what a friend. Just as the choice is mine to be smokeless, it should be others who are still smoking their choice to smoke or not to smoke. Maybe, just MAYBE, they will see that you did it and want to follow suit. But just like no one was mad at you when you slipped up and returned to the land of low hanging man made clouds, your tolerance should show itself strong when it comes to who haven't gotten to the wonderful point you are at making the decision everyday, every hour, and every second of every minute not to tap on a rectangler box, or soft pack of white sticks, packing them tearing open the package smelling the caged nicotine, almost ripping one from the other nineteen, placing it on your lips, finding fire,,and burning the tip,as you drag in a single puff. Yeah we all remember what we use to do, and we are in a different place now. Our health, and person, are better for it, but we are not better people. There are many great people who smoke. I was one of them. Now I don't smoke and I am still, one of the great. TOLERANCE..
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  - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ BryantD on Jun 19, 2017 7:21 AM
    I have an accurate number count on how many times I quit.
    One more thing. Cigarette smoke poisons the air of everyone breathing it.
    CDC - Fact Sheet - Health Effects of Secondhand Smoke - Smoking & Tobacco Use
    When does tolerance become stupidity???
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    - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 19, 2017 7:27 AM
      The poison settles and remains on everything in an enclosed area.
      Thirdhand smoke: What are the dangers to nonsmokers? - Mayo Clinic
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Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 Jun 16, 2017 1:02 AM
I live alone - so most of the time no one is looking. And every day I choose to not smoke. If I found myself in a risky situation where I was really tempted to pick one up and smoke it, I would do my best to remove myself from the situation/environment that triggered it. Hope that you do the same. PS - There is no such thing as just one for me or for most nicotine addicts.
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- BryantD @ Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 on Jun 17, 2017 11:42 PM
  Thank you for your real answer. I am not sure why folk think of this as a test. It is not. Sometimes, people will backslide. Not all people will be like the folk who answered this post ( strong willed individuals). I wanted to hear the honest truth, like you takplking to your best friend or .... God. And you have by leaps and bounds come the closes to that and I thank you
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c2q Jun 16, 2017 7:52 AM
It depends on the friend. If I could, I would change the environment. I once asked a friend to take a walk with me, and to not smoke while we did. That was a great time. I largely avoided being around smokers completely. Good friends understood. Be upfront with your friend. Tell him you don't smoke anymore.
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- BryantD @ c2q on Jun 18, 2017 12:09 AM
  This is a novel idea, and I guess it is for those who need the extra will to get it done. This is not for the two years or more crowd.
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Jun 16, 2017 7:52 AM
I know in my heart that I am an addict, will always be an addict, and that there can never be such a thing as "just one": for me. I also believe that, knowing how difficult the first days of a quit are, I probably would never be able to make myself begin again if I ruined this quit. I know that if I go back to smoking, the health consequences would be dire.
Thus, I would remove myself from the situation. I also now know how much cigarette smoke stinks on my person, and, unless I want to take a shower and wash my clothes, I just need to leave the room!
Honest!
Nancy
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dwwms Jun 16, 2017 9:43 AM
I have been around friends or coworkers smoking since I quit, but it has always been outside where it is much more comfortable for me to avoid the smell. Even when I smoked, I honestly did not like the smell inside of a building, though I suppose there was a time I accepted it. So if I wanted to carry on a conversation with my friend who smokes, I would ask him to either take a walk or not to smoke if we were indoors. And about your title - "if nobody is looking", as though you could get away with it. I have to remain true to myself, first & foremost, so even if nobody else knew, I would. And secondly, like said before, I know there is no such thing as "just one".
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elvan Jun 16, 2017 9:59 AM
A good portion of the time, I am alone and I could choose to smoke if I wanted to. I do not spend time indoors with other people smoking, BryantD. There is absolutely no smoking in my house, never HAS been. I did not quit smoking to inhale someone else's waste products. My lungs have been challenged enough. I would ask the friend to not smoke around me or I would remove myself and I would say that I HAVE to protect my quit. I have been protecting this quit for over three years. This is NOT a habit, it IS an addiction and your recovery has to be treated as such. One day at a time, one event at a time. NOPE, Not One Puff Ever. No one is around? YOU are around and YOU are the person you are quitting for.

Ellen
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- BryantD @ elvan on Jun 19, 2017 6:56 AM
  Touché
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dkr953 Jun 16, 2017 12:33 PM
I would ask my friend if I could have a cig---which is exactly what I did last night--I have had one cig each day since I started my quit 4 days ago--I hated it--I wish they had a rehab for nicotine addicts--each morning I come here and read and read and promise myself--then someone with a cig stops by or I actually go looking for just one--I am using the patch and gum and reading on here a lot---Damn I am struggling--If I had the person who encouraged me to smoke 44 years I would punch him so very hard---So far today I have been good--but I still have 9 hrs to go until bedtime--I can do this but nicotine has a very strong hold on me---I will probably die thinking I can do this--that isn't what I want--see how messed up I am---
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- Youngatheart.7.4.12 @ dkr953 on Jun 16, 2017 1:18 PM
  If you have quit smoking and you are still smoking, you are doing it wrong!
  Commit! Get busy! Put any cigarettes (including any half smoked) under water and then the trash! Keeping any around is giving yourself permission to smoke. Once you quit, that is no longer an option!
  You must decide you will not smoke another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT - and then honor that decision.
  When you say, "I still have 9 hours to go..." that says to me that you are trying to white knuckle this quit. That will just wear you out. What, exactly, do you think smoking does for you? If you answered anything but "gives a brief hit of dopamine." then you are wrong. It's all lies. You can get that dopamine hit by exercising, listening to music, dancing to music, having sex, eating chocolate, so somewhere where smoking isn't allowed. Get busy! Stay busy! Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your head alone.
  You CAN do this; I know you can!
  Get to it!
  Nancy
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- Diannnnn @ dkr953 on Jun 17, 2017 9:26 AM
  You can do this! This is my opinion and others may differ, but here goes.
  Don't give up the quit because of the slips. Instead, when you do slip, pay attention to every thing about the smoke and how it feels physically and mentally. Write it down, call someone and tell them, heck, make a video of yourself smoking. I am trying to do that and each slip gives me information. For example, I had part of one about 20 minutes ago. It made my mouth yucky, my throat irritated, and I did not like one thing about the act. I had to grab a cherry ricola to get rid if the taste and ease my throat, so no second cup of coffee for me. Overall, the slip was not worth the price. Again, this is based on me and my journey. Individual results may vary. ;o)
  Thanks for voicing this question. It was super-thought provoking for me!
  Stay the course,
  Dian
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jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Jun 16, 2017 12:58 PM
Your Quit Will Be Yours, 'Til You Don't Want It Anymore.
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- jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 16, 2017 2:31 PM
  In July of last year, you had 599 days. If you are still quit, you have over two years.
  What does being around someone who smokes have to do with anything? If it bothers you, you get up and leave.
  Have you not been in any proximity to smokers in two years?
  When I quit my helper kept smoking. He was overly conscientious of not smoking around me. (he was the person I was asked to quit for)
  Finally I just said, I don't care if you smoke in the truck as long as our windows are down. :-)
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  - BryantD @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 18, 2017 12:14 AM
    this is what I was looking for the raw, real stuff. Read my second post. Aaaah. Thanks for your honesty. And tolerance
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Giulia Jun 16, 2017 2:22 PM
I think there IS a wrong answer. And that wrong answer would be to grab a cigarette and join in. Assuming you want to stay smoke-free.

To my mind, if the entire situation is a trigger, then one must remove oneself from the trigger or change the triggering experience by rending it impotent. In other words by asking your friend not to smoke or to smoke away from your presence.

dkr953 "I will probably die thinking I can do this" Better you should do it and live. Ask your friends when they stop by NOT to give you a cigarette. Get through one day. Just one whole day. You'll be amazed how much it boosts your self esteem. And each day will build upon the next until you suddenly have a week behind you.
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crazymama_Lori Jun 16, 2017 5:03 PM
First off, I have urges all the time. I just don't act on them. The urges are just a memory being triggered. They don't bother me. They only pop up once in a while. No biggy. Smoking was a big part of my life for 43 years. It's only been not part of my life for a year and a half. In my first six months, I'd be not joining my friend because it would bother me too much not to smoke. In my first 30 days, yeah, I'd probably start smoking. I steered clear of anyone who smoked then. I didn't have enough knowledge yet. At my nine month mark, the smell would get to me. At my one year mark, it doesn't bother me one bit. BUT big difference, I'd tell my friend that if they want to shoot the breeze that's fine, but they will have to go elsewhere to smoke. I do not ever go anywhere in a confined space where smoking is, I have no reason to and don't think it's wise to subject myself to that
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maryfreecig Jun 16, 2017 6:46 PM
I would ask myself, "what did I mean all those times when I said I wanted to quit." I'd ask myself, "does addiction feel good?" Nicotine feels good for a second, but does the addiction feel good, day in and day out? I'd ask myself, "did hacking, coughing up junk, wheezing, getting pnuemonia like illness in winter feel good." I'd also ask myself, "when did I forget what it was like to be a nonsmoker--and not mind it at all."
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Sootie Jun 16, 2017 7:47 PM
I'm not sure how many days you are quit. Those of us with a lot of days (and years) have probably learned to cope with this situation....I know I have. After all, the world goes on smoking even if we have stopped. My sister smokes.....when I first quit (first weeks) I simply would not go near her when she was smoking......it wasn't hard. At her house, she goes to the garage to smoke. So, I would simply stay in the house. But now, if I am in a conversation with her, I can go in the garage with her. When do a do with my hands.....nothing. I learned a long time ago to live as a non smoker....and you will also. BUT----if being with this friend in this situation tempts you to lose your quit......you'll need to avoid him/her. NOTHING is more important than your quit.
Stay Strong
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Thomas3.20.2010 Jun 17, 2017 5:57 AM
First action, "Please don't smoke around me! I am quitting smoking and I can't handle this for now." Second action if that doesn't work. "I'm taking a break with our relationship for now so I can maintain my Quit. It isn't personal! I just need some space for now!" Third action - no matter what - walk away and stay away!
Once you break your Addiction you will come to hearing that second hand smoke is very deadly. 41,000 people die in the USA each Year due to second hand smoke. That's an average of 820 people per state per Year! There is no reason in the world why you and I won't be one of them! Nobody who smokes is allowed to smoke anywhere under any circumstances near me - including strangers. I'm very vocal about that!
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gregp136 Jun 17, 2017 7:33 AM
Personally, I also never hung around people who smoked inside. Hated it. Also, smoking is not a habit, it is an addiction. I believe that is why the triggers are still there 20 yrs later. Trigger to habit go away quickly. Nail biters are not triggered to start up again.
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Christine_Aka_Legend Jun 17, 2017 7:43 AM
I will tell you what I do. I will not be around anyone that smokes. If someone comes over to my house they must smoke outside. I won’t stand next to someone smoking I don’t care who they are. I don’t put myself in a situation that I could get triggered. I know some people say it does not bother them but I am serious about my quit so no smoking around me I protect my quit 100% not 99.9%. I also keep saline mist around just in case I pass by someone at the store that is smoking outside and that smell gets in my nose I don’t want the smell of a cigarette triggering me. There is nothing wrong with telling someone to smoke away from you or you walking away from your friend or family member to keep your quit 100% safe. When you have a 100% commitment towards your quit you will make it. Any reason to smoke is an excuse.
Here is the link to my quit kit I use and it has a lot of good blogs in it and great suggestions by everyone. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Christine_Aka_Legend-blog/2014/08/22/quit-kit
Best wishes to you
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Diannnnn Jun 17, 2017 9:12 AM
Bryant,

I have thought a lot about this question. I have been having a great deal of difficulty resisting my cravings over the last couple of days. My quit day is 7/2. Trying to cut back as much as possible beforehand.

I have felt as if I should hide, even from other smokers, each time I give in to the beast. Funny enough, it doesn't bother me to be around them when they are smoking. Just not a trigger for me, at least right now.

I did buy a fidget spinner to see if it belonged in my toolbox. Takes care of idle hands for sure. Maybe adding hard candy or gum and really focusing on the conversation instead of that nasty tasting, sinus clogging, lung tissue killing, money wasting cigarette.

I know one thing, coming here and talking about it is the right thing to do. It helps all of us learn and grow! Thanks for that!

Dian
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Yess Jun 17, 2017 12:23 PM
You want an honest reply? My best friend would already know that I am no longer smoking and would not dream of smoking in a room with me present! That's a best friend all the rest is rhetoric.
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jimmie-a-littrell Jun 17, 2017 1:41 PM
I do not smoke. I used to but I made the decision that I no longer do. I don't enjoy the smoke so I would stay far enough away to not have to breathe it. I am not even slightly tempted anymore (845 days). I would recommend to my friend that he quit and I would offer to help.
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pir8fan Jun 17, 2017 4:44 PM
To thine own self be true!
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BryantD Jun 18, 2017 12:20 AM
thank you everyone who took the time read, and replyed. It did what it was suppose to do which is one make us think, and two get us talking about it. Know that we are not able to do it alone. Also know that I am really a non smoker, I want to bring you all a situation to cause you to think when the time comes and something like this happens,Mehta are you gonna do? The time is now tonthink about it because in the throws of addiction one doesn't think clearly. Thinking about what to do now can and in many cases will help one have a game plan, if you find yourself going left. There is no such thing as I just quit, there was a plan to do just that and there should be many contingency plans just in case. Just saying later folks and thank you.
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There is nobody looking, tell me what would you do?

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