Discussion created by Angie-Lah on Apr 20, 2017
Latest reply on Apr 20, 2017 by Marilyn.H.July.14.14.

My father was readmitted to the hospital last night. I won't rehash everything I've already said about his SCLC. It's in my blog. It's spread to his brain. His sodium levels have dropped to the point that he doesn't know who he is, or who we are. I've always written to work out the emotions that I struggle with, lately mostly having to do with him. I thought I'd share this here. I don't feel comfortable sharing it with loved ones yet. I don't want them to think I've given up on his fight, or have accepted a foregone conclusion, but I'd lose my mind if I didn't have some way to process this anticipatory grief. if you're on the fence, or struggling to quit, please find the strength to stay quit. It's never too late.


I do

Imbue It

With a sentient evil

A stranglehold of


yet iron strong





Layered clouds

slinking through open doors

but sticking to

grasping clawing sinking terminal nails

into the vital organs of the afflicted


Money. Greed. Profit.

But so much higher the cost

for the lung

in which it resides


The hooks sunk in the


the mind

the bones

so long before

its ever entwined itself

permanently among

the branches of a life


Weighted chains

Weakened Limbs

shortened breath




gasping wandering eyes

the frustration of a life



A sideways glance

as if it say, yes

but you did this

as though to say

culture and the money

thrown to encourage

*that blissful inhalation*

that toxic sludge

played no part


And now,

what does it matter

how it began.

Only how it ends.

Like this. A life