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Give and get support around quitting

"I Have Some Bad News"

Are Those The Words It Will Take To Make You Decide?

this is really long for me. sorry

      I have a friend from the first site I was on that quit a few months after me.

We both have my off sense of humor I guess you'd call it.

We found out we were only 60 miles from each other through messaging on the site.

      Anyway, we decided to get together so I gave her directions to a restaurant in the town I was living.

We met and had a great time. I was married so we had an understanding that there wasn't going to be hanky panky and there never was, it was all strictly fun. My wife was in Michigan taking care of her family who were all 3 ill, and I was scraping by paying 3k a month rent for not much of a house but in a great area, feeding 22 cats. My wife had a big heart.

      My friend was a live in caregiver and didn't need her own place. She had Sunday's off so she'd drive to my area (I lived about the same distance from the beach in LA as I do from the beach here 3 miles) so the weather was more temperate and we could enjoy the area as there are a lot more restaurants near the ocean.

      This went on for a few years and then she got her own place and we'd trade off driving.

She retired and when she ran out of funds she moved up North. Then a person in LA whom she had taken care of for 10 years earlier in her career, asked her to come live with them for reasonable rent. This was 5 years after she and I had quit.

      Her prior client and friend, was still a smoker and the first night she was living there, her friend and her shared a glass of wine and a cigarette crossed the table. My friend started smoking again.

Her friend, still smoking, had to have her foot amputated and was in rehab for 4 months during which time she quit smoking.

My friend continued to smoke even after her friend returned home and eventually died and she had to move back up North.

      During this time she found out she had COPD and she still smoked.

      I believe she's been quit a couple years now but I've lost touch with her because she changed phone providers and just recently tracked her down after a couple days research. She was so generous and gracious to pick up the tab the majority of the time as construction had really slowed down out here around 2007 from the influx of unskilled labor that ran licensed people out of business.

      I wanted to fly her down here for a week and just show her around and I even found out there is a restaurant branch that was our favorite place to go only 20 miles from here. I wanted to give her a weeks vacation from her daily life.

      I spoke with her last Tuesday and she had been in the hospital over the weekend. She had a bad flareup and they say she has to be on oxygen from now on and it can't be from a concentrator. Well you can't bring oxygen bottles on a plane.

      I don't know, it's frustrating. After her flare up, which she acted like was the first one, I think she's a little fearful of making the trip. I talked with her about maybe taking the train. We'll see.

       I can't help but wonder if she made it worse by going back to smoking after being quit for 5 years.

"I Have Some Bad News For You."

Don't Wait To Hear Those Words, Okay?

18 Replies

Excellent post Dale! I'm sorry for what's happened to her. Perhaps sharing this story will prevent it from happening to another. That would be my hope at least. Sometimes we just have to get that slap in the face to see reality. It's just sad what happens when we don't see reality in time.

Chuck

That is bad news. How great that you guys developed a friendship though!

Jennifer-Quit
Member

Well I hope that your reunion works out!  Very neat story - so many true friendships found through quitting!

JACKIE1-25-15
Member

Sorry about the bad news.  I hope things will work out that you two may be able to see each other. You never know. 

MarilynH
Member

That's so sad Dale, I pray that you'll be able to get together with your friend, damned cigarettes!!!!!

Lisaml
Member

Sorry to hear this. Hopefully you can make this reunion happen. Sounds like a beautiful friendship. 

Prayers for your friend!!!! Xoxo

elvan
Member

Oh Dale, that is so sad.  I am so sorry.

Kimshine
Member

You might have an "off sense of humor" but you are also a very kind man. I remember a few years ago and a different quit for me, you were so kind to me and offered a lot of support when I was having such a hard time. 

I'm sorry your friend is not able to fly for a visit but maybe she will travel by train? Could she come by bus? Is there another friend or family member that would be willing to be a travel companion for her? It might make her feel less fearful. I think it's so sweet that you wanted to give her reprieve from her daily life and have a nice visit with you, a kind friend. 

I do hope for you both that this visit will take place. How nice it would be for you both.

 

Kim 

Sorry to hear about the health of your friend. I do pray, you will be able to get together once again and catch up.........

Maybe this Story will keep some here on the site from stepping away from their NOPE commitment??????  I do hope so.........Quitting is  SO Hard, but I don't ever want to go back to the way things used to be.......For me, today I was Blessed with 4 1/2" of Snow! I HATE SNOW!!!!!!!!!! WE live 10 miles from town..........Hubby went after the things I needed for me........ While I continued to work on deep cleaning and spring projects........... Exhausting! I remember others talking about REWARD Smokes for after a Big prjt was done!  Well, when I finished in the Living room, deep cleaning and hydrating my dried out oak furniture.....I was feeling the physical part of the task.......Into my head popped,I'd really like to take a break....hot cup of coffee and a smoke!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT???? WHERE'D THAT COME FROM???????????  I really had no desire to  light up! It was a Reward Trigger......... Good thing there are NOT any smokes here! I won't drive on snowy roads........... I didn't even make the coffee and take the break! I just moved on to the Laundry Room, then the Bathroom,to do the same types of jobs in there.... Bushed! But happy, those jobs kicked those ideas, right out of my HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

REST of the week won't be a problem. I have to pack up everything in our 16x20 bedroom tomorrow. Have hubby help move the smaller furniture pieces. Wednesday morning a guy comes to restretch my bedroom carpeting. The over sized dresser, chester drawers,TV,cabinet for the TV and the huge thick bed will be moved by hubby and my rug man...

I will spend the rest of the week,polishing,hydrating furniture and cleaning everything ...before putting it all back. Except for the two windows and blinds, my spring cleaning in there will be done. We had more snow today....Stormy weekend is in the Forecast! Hope it isn't a Blizzard! Will be interesting because; I Never spend Nasty weather out here without the old butt buddies!!!!!!!EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I recruited hubby to assist me with whatever I need! There is NO GOING BACK FOR ME!!! THIS WILL BE A BIG TEST IN NO MAN'S LAND! RIGHT NOW, A BLESSING TOWN IS 10 MILES AWAY.......THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING TO DO HERE AT THE SITE TO HELP US.......I can Never thank any of the members Enough! Prairie 42 DOF