ok..made it 9 hours but need help to make it to 10

[jennifer55]

My roommate left a cigarette here and told me it is just in case I am on the verge of going completely nuts I have something to take the edge off. The making it 9 hours side of me tells me to break it and trash it...the addict side of me says to smoke it and start again tomorrow. I really dont want to go back through what I did today. I dont want to start over tomorrow. Wed at noon will be my 72 hr marker...my bday. I want to give this gift to myself. So why cant I just break it and trash it? Why do I leave it there knowing it is causing temptation. I am not looking at it or touching it but just knowing it is there is both causing relief I have a just in case..but also the guilt and anger that i cant get rid of it.

I know 9 hours I am still in the beginning process so I am not strong enough yet, but I am finally not putting off my quit date, or making excuses why today wont work. Finally going through the difficult side of headaches, emotions, etc. I need to just make a simple step of throwing it away and I cant move. I am afraid if I touch it to throw it away I will light it instead:(

[ricex]

Get mad at it. It is trying to take health first and ultimately your life. Get mad and get it out there.

[jennifer55]

I am so ashamed I lost the battle. I made it over 9 hours, now need to start over again. I held it over the trash can for awhile debating what to do. I knew what I should do and did the opposite. guess the good news is I got light headed and couldnt smoke the whole thing..and coming inside I reaked!! i dont want to smell like that anymore. Next time I will ask him not to leave it.

I was so excited to see 9 hours. Why I let myself down I will nevr know. Well I started my clock over, seeing it back at 15 minutes instead of 9 hours is puree torture...but I deserve it. I failed.

[jennifer55]

I am so mad at myself right now!!! I look at the new counter and kick myself!!!!

[Giulia]

Good. Very good. I'm glad you're mad at yourself. You should be. So? Don't do it again. What have you learned? Apply it to the next time. Yeah. You failed. This time around. Remember how excited you were at nine hours. Hold that thought.

Your roommate is a total jerk. Tell your roommate if he/she loves you and cares about you to do everything to STOP you from blowing it. Tell them it doesn't matter what you say to them, they are not to allow you to smoke. No matter how much you beg, cajole, get mad, tell them you won't be friends any more, whimper, play games, promise the moon, say it's "just one and I won't smoke any more" - that they WILL NOT give in to you. This is very hard for a friend. Don't think for a minute it isn't. They WANT you to feel better. And they don't want you to get mad at them. It's almost as hard on them as it is on you. But not quite.

OK. The object here - for you - is to get through one entire day. Are you following the Ex plan? It seems to be working for a lot of people. If you haven't worked the plan - do.

Meanwhile - Get your mind back in order - get rid of all the guilt, the failure garbage, and focus on what you need to do.

You can be a winner. And we want to watch your progress because your success is thrilling to us. Really!

Giulia (2 year 3 mos +)

[jennifer55]

I didnt ask him to leave it or tell him anything of the sort. He knew I had been without one all day. I didnt say anything to him when he walked outside to smoke. He just was walking out the door and said "btw if it gets bad look on top of the microwave" I asked what he meant. He said "just look there if it gets reeally bad and you start feeling a little nuts.

I dont think he cares to be honest. He mentioned quitting earlier today too but laughs everytime I say I am quitting. I have been telling him for a week I am trying to get to the point of quitting and I made the determination today to stop setting future goals. I told him at noon that I had my last one..not having anymore.

I am not mad at him, I am mad at myself. This is my problem...yeah he stuck it in front of me like a dangling carrot but I bit. I made the choice..I messed up. I need to be determined because there will always be someone dangling a carrot in front of me. Next week I will be at my brother's house if I cant handle my roommate how will I handle being in my brother's house where he smokes inside??

At least the love of my life didnt get angry with me when I told him. He told me to kick my roommate out that he is not any help. He told me if he was here I wouldnt smoke, he would make sure of it but reminded me I did not lose this war. I am thankful for him.

Thank you all for your kindness and being here for me. I will conquer. I dont want my clock hitting zero ever again. Maybe that was a good thing to hit zero again to make me feel so bad and miss the 9 hour marker. Maybe I needed the slap to remind myself where I could be if I do it again.

[jennifer55]

I will make sure next time I will tell him do not leave it here.

[tara2]

Just remember the way you were feeling at this moment. Write it down, express how mad it made you. The next time you get the urge that bad, read it and remember how disappointed you were in yourself, and how great you will feel the next time you get that strong an urge and are able to overcome it, move on, and look back to realize "hey, I did it"!!