"all I want to do is cry,... smoke and feel like a failure..."
You want to feel like a failure? I DON'T THINK SO! And you aren't! Because you paid attention to your quit. I wrote reams prior to this and lost it all. I'm old and I'm gonna die anyway too. But one thing I know for sure, Izzy, is that I never want another Day One. And I will never be a satisfied smoker. But I am a much more satisfied quitter.
And YOU have control over your back yard. If their "good intentions" turn out to be "taking advantage of Mom" then that's not something to smoke over but it is something to deal with and (if I may be so bold as to say) set rules and regulations. Like - "let's go out and look for a JOB!" Living in an RV isn't exactly homeless. Especially when MOM is gonna pay the bill for the electricity.. whatever. Sorry - but I'm just going on my emotions based on your unhappiness with them moving into your back yard. If this new scenario causes you enough distress to contemplate smoking after almost 4 years - that's a rather major distress that needs to be dealt with up front.
The way to not feel like a failure is to set goals, limits and stick to them. We did that with quitting, and we can do that with all areas of our life.
