Here are my thoughts:
I pop into Ex usually every other day just to see how people are progressing, who is sticking around, who has moved on, who has reappeared. Lots of new faces popping up. Seeing lots of apprehension, but we always feel apprehension when trying something new and different. It's the abyss of the unknown. Know what it is you are dealing with. Understand that it's not the cigarettes you are wanting so bad. It's what is in them that keeps you coming back. A lot of those fad smoking cessation products will tell you that this will all be over in a month or 12 weeks. That this “smoking” thing is magically over at even 130 days or a year or even two.
Are you under the impression that once you're quit that you'll never ever have thoughts of smoking? Is it that when the thoughts of smoking pop up, you think that you will possibly act on them? What exactly is causing this? Are you forgetting your tools? What will you do instead of smoking? Did you even bother to fill out the section on triggers and what you will do to separate from them? We all have different reasons for smoking, just like some of us have different reasons for drinking or overeating. Think of your reasons for smoking. What is driving us to go automatically to our cure-all, end-all solution? Why are we fighting a life change so fiercely?
Quitting is hard. There is absolutely nothing on the market today that will take the emotional and physical aspect out of quitting completely. Putting you in a coma for 6 months might take the physical aspects out of it. But once that brain kicks in, you're off and running all over again. The physical aspect for some is easy. They sail through that. In my case, I had the leg and arm tingling. Answer: Increased blood flow due to an increase in oxygenation. I had restless leg syndrome. Answer: Lack of Vitamin C and magnesium. I had mouth sores and/or mouth sensitivity. Answer: I purchased Sensodyne toothpaste. For some reason that took care of that problem. Those were my three main physical symptoms. Those are easy enough to explain. But I took the time to research what might be the problem, the solution and acted on it.
The psychological hold is another story and is a personal one to each and every one of you. How we all started smoking typically is usually peer acceptance, self-esteem, adolescence. I had a doctor once express a theory of predisposition to smoking, genetics. In my case, my father was a heavy smoker. I grew up with it. It makes you wonder what makes some people smokers and others not? What makes people alcoholics and drug addicts and others not? What is it in our genetic makeup that makes us susceptible to dependent behaviors? What also allows us to always make excuses to go back to the destructive behaviors? Why we find a reason to go back to the thinking of go-with-what-you-know? Fall back into our comfortable existence. Is it the thought of treading into new territory that scares us? Is the act of smoking something that defines us as individuals? Are we afraid that we won't be “cool” anymore? What is it that keep us going back?
The physical part is over. What in your mind's eye is telling you, you need me, just one won't hurt? Why are you allowing it to comfort you? Could it be that we feel the need to punish ourselves for some reason? We already know what's in them. We know we're addicts. We're dependent on nicotine. Okay...... but why? What sparks the addictive behavior that we possess? Why do we constantly quit and then start and quit again? What exactly is it that finally flips the switch and we are able to quit? It's tough for the first 30 days. You're not doing something that you've done for X number of years. I can't tell you how many times I've reached for the phantom pack. It's just something I did for over 43 years about 40 times a day.
People keep telling me how I've changed. Then it hit me. That is what bonded us together. We all smoked together. You will run into your old friends, your smoking friends, who will try to entice you into smoking again. You look at them and feel like you are missing something. Somehow your bond is broken, but really, is it? How that stinkin' thinkin' will have you believe that that's what made them be friends with you or that they associate with you because you all smoke. Just read that sentence over again and see how silly that sounds. Sometimes it feels as though you are an outcast now because you no longer sit outside and smoke with me. Funny how that still resonates with me, how at times it is important to feel like one of the crowd.
It's just something they do now that you no longer do. They can go outside to smoke and all you have to do is stay inside or find something else to do while they're smoking. They'll be back in a few minutes, stay for a spell, and then feed that nagging urge again. That crazy cycle that you have now broke. Feels good, doesn't it? When you smoked, remember how you avoided that newly quit person. We at that time didn't want to hear the speech. We already knew the dangers. I know when I was ready to quit or even remotely looking into it, I quizzed people about their quitting experience. I wanted to know how they did it. What is it that made them finally take the plunge? How did they do it? What was the easiest way? You see, I wanted this to be as painless as possible. I only saw this as a habit to break back then. It's only quitting smoking. It can't be that hard. All I have to do is not buy cigarettes. That is what happens when you don't do your homework, you don't understand that you are dependent on nicotine. Not cigarettes; nicotine. That is what you need every single day when you smoke.
I wish I had precise answers for each and one of you. I would be a gazillionaire if I had the exact time line of what happens when and, poof, this is over in a year, six months, two years. We intertwined smoking with every waking moment. When we quit, we have to remember that our past smoking life now coincides with the motions of our new life. We can't possibly predict when a memory will be tripped and suddenly you're thinking of smoking. We each created our own collages of our own memories. When those pop up, relax, take a second, see it for what it is and move on. It's only a glimpse of what you used to be. It's not who you are anymore.......
