Why can’t I seem to quit!?!

[JoHacker]

Help me understand what it is I don’t get! Why I’m still smoking. Mind boggling. I’m 61. Lifetime smoker, minus couple years. Obviously catching up to me. Last year my stop lasted five days. Was out of town and enjoying my adult son. After departing, what did I do!?! Frustrating attempts since with the most recent, two weeks ago I spent six days with nonsmoking girlfriends on a FL vacation. Again, surprisingly easy. Until I landed back in my cold state, hopped in my car, triggers pulled forcefully. Bought a pack next morning. Guilt driven. Get this, tomorrow I’m scheduled for a 48 hr heart monitor. Other tests are scheduled from CT precancer lung screening, pulmonary, all as a result of f*********g cigarettes!?! And I’m still puffing!!!  Now I believe I need to practice mindfulness further because it makes sense with the times I’ve made the connection but it’s the rest of the day that’s dangerous. Ugh. Sometimes I feel hopeless. Nothing worse. Enough said. Thanks for being a safe place to express !!

[Barbscloud]

Welcome to the Ex.   Have created a plan so that you're prepared to face his head on.  Are you going to do quit cold turkey or use an aid?  It's important to remember it's one day at a time.  It can be self-defeating when we think about not smoking forever.  Having the support from this site made all the difference for me.   We're here for you--you just need to reach out.

Barb

[Augustus44]

I'VE QUIT FOR 22 DAYS NOW ( 75 AND A LIFETIME SMOKER). I'M HAVING A ROUGH TIME OF IT TODAY FOR SOME REASON--I THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW CRAPPY MY MOUTH TASTED, HOW TIRED I COULD BECOME, HOW MUCH MONEY I WAS SPENDING, AND MOST OF ALL, HOW MUCH I IGNORED THE HEALTH PART. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY ACTIVE AND HEALTHY. THAT BEING SAID, I ALWAYS WONDERED EVERY YEAR WHEN I WAS ORDERED TO GET A CT SCAN ON MY LUNGS WHETHER THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE YEAR. WELL SCREW ALL OF THAT. I JUST PUT IN ANOTHER $50.00 BUCKS IN MY NON SMOKING STASH, SITTING THERE IN THE CUPBOARD--THIS REPRESENTS A WEEK OF BEING SMOKE FREE. THE COINS ARE BUILDING UP, AND BEST OF ALL--BECAUSE I WAS A CLOSET SMOKER, I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE, OR WAIT UNTIL I'M COMPLETELY ALONE TO INDULGE IN A HABIT THAT TOBACCO COMPANIES HOOKED ME ON, LIKE THE DRUG DEALERS THEY ARE. I SPENT MORE THAT $100,000 DOLLARS ON F**********ING CIGARETTES IN  MY LIFE TIME. I DON'T CARE ABOUT LIVING FOREVER, BUT I DO CARE THAT WHATEVER TIME I HAVE LEFT IS GOING TO BE DOING WHAT I LIKE TO DO--FLY FISH, PLAY GOLF, WALK, PLAY SOFTBALL, PLAY GUITAR, AND NOW, PIANO, AND NOT BE STRAPPED DOWN TO A BACK PORCH WITH A DAMNED OXYGEN TANK ATTACHED TO ME. THINK ABOUT THAT BROTHER, 'CAUSE THAT'S COMING IF YOU DON'T JUST BUCK UP AND THROW THOSE DRUGS AWAY.  HOPE THIS HELPS. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH, BUT YOU CN DO IT. 

[Giulia]

And now you have 27 days under your belt, right?  RIGHT?!!!! 

"I ALWAYS WONDERED EVERY YEAR WHEN I WAS ORDERED TO GET A CT SCAN ON MY LUNGS WHETHER THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE YEAR."  Stay quit and you'll worry a lot LESS about that.  Ya know?!  

[ClearColors]

Awesome advice here  to take to heart.

You did good to post.

What helped me was something I learned.

When you crave, 

Stop what you are doing

come here and post for HELP

and wait for responses, they will come.

People here can help talk you out of the crave.

It works.

[ClearColors]

It's learning skills to quit, getting attitude, having motivation, and other stuff   Make yourself a quit kit.  Allen Carr's book, "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking" helped me tremendously.  You need substitutions.  There's a wealth of information here, READ.  Knowledge is power.  We are junkies.. Quit like your life depends upon it because it does.  Take smoking off the table.  You can do this.  

This repost may help:

Repost - Junkie Thinking from toundra from Quitnet

 JUNKIE THINKING: "One Puff won't hurt"

 RESPONSE:"One puff will always hurt me, and it always will because I'm not a social smoker. One puff and I'll be smoking compulsively again."

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:"I only want one."

 RESPONSE:"I have never wanted only one. In fact, I want 20-30 a day every day. I want them all.******

 JUNKIE THINKING:I'll just be a social smoker

 RESPONSE:I'm a chronic, compulsive smoker, and once I smoke one I'll quickly be thinking about the next one. Social smokers can take it or leave it. That's not me.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING: I'm doing so well, one won't hurt me now.

 RESPONSE:The only reason I'm doing so well is because I haven't taken the first one. Yet once I do, I won't be doing well anymore. I'll be smoking again.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING: I'll just stop again.

 RESPONSE:Sounds easy, but who am I trying to kid? Look how long it too me to stop this time. And once I start, how long will it take before I get sick enough to face withdrawal again? In fact, when I'm back in the grip of compulsion, what guarantee do I have that I'll ever be able to stop again?"

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:If I slip, I'll keep trying

 RESPONSE: If I think I can get away with one little "slip" now I'll think I can get away with another little "slip" later on.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING: I need one to get me through this withdrawal

 RESPONSE: Smoking will not get me through the discomfort of not smoking. It will only get me back to smoking. One puff stops the process of withdrawal and I'll have to go through it all over again.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:I miss smoking right now

 RESPONSE:Of course I miss something I've been doing every day for most of my life. But do I miss the chest pain right now? Do I miss the worry, the embarrassment? I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an

 occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to stop doing it.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:I really need to smoke now, I'm so upset.

 RESPONSE:Smoking is not going to fix anything. I'll still be upset, I'll just be an upset smoker. I never have to have a cigarette. Smoking is not a need, it's a want. Once the crisis is over, I'll be relieved and grateful I'm still not smoking.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:I don't care

 RESPONSE:What is it exactly that I think that I don't care about? Can I truthfully say I don't care about chest pain? I don't care about gagging in the morning? I don't care about lung cancer? No, I care about these things very much. That's why I stopped smoking in the first place.

******

 JUNKIE THINKING:What difference does it make, anyway ?

 RESPONSE:It makes a difference in the way I breathe, the way my heart beats, the way I feel about myself. It makes a tremendous difference in every aspect of my physical and emotional health.

[Augustus44]

Hey, I'm in the same boat this morning. I am now on day # 30, and I have just finished an e-mail to a friend, and it's been emotional for me. I'm talking myself into have just one--however, after this, I am just going to take a long brisk walk and try to get through this. I'm a Junkie, as you are. I am 75, and finally got a good scare and quit before things got worse. I'm in the clear right now, and I have to keep thinking that the further I get away from those damned "nic fits," the better off I'll be. i can already feel the effects of 30 days--it is remarkable, but still there's that pull. Maybe you should read Carr's book--it, unfortunately will keep your mind on the cigs, but all of it, makes sense when you consider that you are hooked on a powerful drug--we're Junkies and we don't like it. 

Finally, don't forget that smoking effects everything in your body--nicotine is poison that will kill you --I know I gotta go sometime, but I don't want to go because of a god damned cigarette. 

Hope this helps. 

[Giulia]

You've got a month under your belt.  You're doing swell.  Stay the course.