Trying not to cry wolf - conversations

[DonnaMarie]

Hello, my name is Donna and I am a nicotine/cigarette addict.

Hi Donna!

I came here today to admit my addiction and to admit I need help. 

We're here to help you, Donna!

The why of my smoking is my biggest puzzle. I wonder why all the time. I go for hours on end without smoking and then light up. Am I being selfish?

You might be. Some people think of it like that.

It's like I don't want to give up this friend who never asks anything of me other than to keep lighting up. 

Nods.

It's like it's easier to keep smoking than it is to make the commitment to quit.

Nods.

So what am I doing here? Am I quitting or not? 

That's up to you, Donna. It's your life and your quit or not quit. We're here to support you in any way. 

What is it I really want to do? Do I want to quit?

It sounds like you do, Donna.

It should be as easy as saying "I quit." 

You've already done that a few times here and it's almost like you're crying wolf. 

What's it going to take? That's what I ask myself. 

That's up to you. Ask yourself what it means to be a closet smoker and who is affected by that. 

Yeah, I'm the only one affected. 

Are you? You are making time when others aren't around to "sneak" a smoke here and there. That's time you could be spending with your loved ones, your dog, your exercise, your whatever. 

You're right about that. And my husband and I spend more time together than ever before. I should be able to give him all the time he wants and not have to run this errand, go here, do this, do that to sneak. I'm not 6 years old. But then, if I was, I wouldn't be smoking. 

Sounds like you have some serious looking within to do. Can you unscramble the why and just do it? 

I'm 12 days past my quit date and have only been smober for 2 of those days. So...

So...?

So, I need to put a plan in action. I want (?) to put a plan in action. I want to be one of you. 

We'll be here when you're ready. In the meantime, read, set a date, and just do it. 

[DonnaMarie]

Christophina wrote:

I sat quietly and allowed myself to truly experience self disgust at my smoking and nicotine habits.  I stepped out of myself and looked down at me drowning in my own wriggling and stinking excuses.

Christine nearly 150 dofs

Such a good thing to read today. Thank  you for sharing. 

[Christine13]

Hi Donna Marie, I think we all go through the indecision you posted in your blog.  I liked smoking too - or did I?

Not actually, it was just a good excuse to take a break when things got too heavy here.  I have learned new ways to relax and you will too.  You are in the deciding process.  You are slowly killing yourself tho while you decide what has to be done.  I've struggled long and hard to quit, and your dialogue and mine are the same.  What are you afraid of?  Take the plunge, follow through and carry on, set your date within 2 weeks, and make up your mind that you are going to love yourself enough to quit.

[DonnaMarie]

Christine13 wrote:

You are slowly killing yourself tho while you decide what has to be done.  I've struggled long and hard to quit, and your dialogue and mine are the same.  What are you afraid of?  

Slow suicide is right and to tell the truth, I don't know what I'm afraid of. 

[DonnaMarie]

3 hours down, and counting.

[ahkhippiechic]

Morning in AK.  Reading your blog and all the great comments these awesome elders wrote.  

Your writing style, very good!, reminds me of my first quits.  I was panicked and felt overwhelmed by cravings.  I would try counting through them..saying over and over THREE MINUTES TIL ITS OVER...THREE MINUTES TIL....  THREE ....

only to have another crave wave pass over me.  

Here is what feels different this quit:  

I am fully aware that the CRAVES and FEELINGS are the reaction of my BRAIN TO WITHDRAWAL.  It is a natural, normal and healthy physiological response to my removing POISON from my body.  I think of it like having a gangrenous part of me removed and the pain associated with healing.  There is nothing pleasant about it.  But I can get through it.

SO CAN YOU.

(i am the weakest of souls.  Given to hedonistic pleasures all of my life, driven by the winds of my feelings, followed my heart and desires all around the world) 

You really can do this.  You can QUIT for GOOD.

These craves and feelings and thoughts...all of them are YOUR BRAIN IN WITHDRAWAL.  It will tell you ANYTHING to get you to keep using because it really believes (right now) that you need your poison like you need food.

You can stop giving power to the crave waves.  Just stop believing that they have any power over you because they don’t. They are not powerful, these thoughts that you have to use.  They are just your crazy brain trying to convince you not to take away it’s poison. 

Recall a “bad” or “dysfunctional” relationship?  And when you got some distance, do you remember thinking “what the hell was I doing???”.  This is where you are right now.  In a bad relationship.  The only way to see the light is to get some distance.

Thanks for letting me share my experiences.  I am no elder, just sharing what is working for me.  I am invested in your quit because it helps me stay invested in mine.  

Peace and grace...! 

[ahkhippiechic]

DonnaMarie‌ Good Morning from AK I am checking in on you.  How things?  

[Giulia]

Come on!