So Angry

[Tammyzhere]

It appears to be a combination of things:

the nicotine withdrawal

all the feelings I stuffed with smoking

losing my 40 year old pacifier

the craziness of wanting to and not wanting to smoke at the same time

so edgy and loopy that I dunno what I'm doing

I just know that quiting is the right thing

even though it is really hard to do

I have all these scented candles, candies and vapor sticks

And I tell myself.... What if... I never had to buy another pack

It's new to not have cigarettes in the house

scary and victorious

so vulnerable

so volatile

I've stopped so many times before

and went back

One time I made it 8 months

usually it was 2 weeks

or just 2-3 days

So far, I've only told strangers

It can go either way

but yesterday I went out

and didn't buy any

and I'll go out again today

I used to buy 2-3 cartons at a time

I went out of town to get them

half hour or so away

What if - I never had to buy cigarettes again

What if - I became a non smoker

[JACKIE1-25-15]

[Tammyzhere]

I was just in the kitchen making a grilled cheese remembering when I stood outside of oncology smoking while my dad was getting his radiation.  Both of my parents died of lung cancer and it was an ugly thing to watch.   

[minihorses]

I'm only 17 days new to being a non-smoker. You're here and that's the big thing! I've been in the same pattern as you forever. This time will be the last time you have to go through the hell if you stick with it, get support from family, friends, the dog, whatever you can lean on at home and come here to talk, b***h, and claim even the smallest move forward on this quit. You can do this and we're all here to help!

Julie 

[Tammyzhere]

Well, it's the 2nd day in a row that I left the house and didn't buy any smokes.  I ran out on Sunday.  I have some nicorette gum, vapor sticks, patches and such.  I've tried to quit so many times.  Not smoking is one thing, being completely off all nicotine products is another.  I'm just trying not to bum or buy smokes by any means possible.  So far that seems to be working.  

[gottastop2]

I also ran out on Sunday, so I haven't bought anymore. I had to drive 3.5 hours for work yesterday and didn't stop and buy any.  Today was supposed to be my quit day, but I got a head start when I ran out early.  I've also tried to quit many times.  Ive tried everything, gum, patches, hypnosis, Chantix, etc.  I read Allen Carr's book last week and it just made sense to me! Ive gone back and read some pages this week if I catch myself thinking about smoking. Good luck to you!!

[elvan]

Good for YOU!  Keep stacking those days, it DOES get easier!

[Tammyzhere]

I'm reading that book now too  

[minihorses]

I have vapes in the form of ecigs and tanks and to be honest I have used them for a couple puffs probably 3 times during my 3 weeks of quitting when I had extreme cravings. If you need the vapes for a while don't feel you can't touch them during those 'I give up trying to quit' moments. Just limit the puffs you take, don't inhale them and don't beat yourself up. If that's what it takes for you to become a lifelong non-smoker it's better than all the crap they put in cigarettes! You'll be able to quit tobacco use completely eventually this way. Just remind yourself that you will be able to stop your dependence on nicotine in all its' forms soon. You're doing great so keep the faith!

Julie- 21 DOF 

[MarilynH]

Welcome to the site, you are doing great, deep breaths and keep moving forward stacking up your precious smoke free days because each day you get through is another Day Won....

[elvan]

Welcome to EX...I, too, had many failed quits and then I read everything I could find about nicotine addiction.  I came to this site first thing every morning and last thing at night, I read blogs, I commented, I blogged, I asked for help and I LISTENED to the advice that was offered.  I have been smoke free now for 3 years and just under ten months after smoking for most of 47 years.  This time was different, I took the time to become educated about this addiction and I committed to staying away from nicotine, no matter what,  I told everyone  that I quit smoking...even people who really did not care...I CARED.  I wanted this to be real and I was not about to let any of the old triggers trip me up.  Read blogs, comment, blog, click on a member's avatar and read about that member...there are people of all ages in all stages of their quits.  I can tell you that the beginning was hard for me, I think it is for just about everyone, I thought about cigarettes all of the time.  I didn't HAVE any, I had gotten rid of all of them and everything that reminded me of smoking, lighters, ashtrays, my butt can, even coupons.  I kept listening to the people who told me it would get easier and I kept hoping to God that they were right.  They WERE, it DID get easier and easier...I suggest reading a blog written by JonesCarpeDiem‌ that really gave me some insight in what to expect../blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months   I kept saying NOPE over and over and over again, I said the Serenity Prayer, I ate sour candies to trick my mind into thinking of something else.  I ate frozen cherries, I made a commitment to myself that it was over, that I would not smoke again.  You can do this.

Again, welcome.

Ellen