Relapse is hell

[kimw]

Okay I fell apart yesterday I fought it all day long. How is it that some days the only thing I think about is having a cigarette? Yesterday was one of those days. Now, I feel horrible. I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked and now I feel like they win. So, today I am a non-smoker again but I still fear that this won't be the last time. My main trigger is stress and boredom two completely opposites of the spectrum.

[carlie]

Kim; man-o-man !! I hear you !! I have quit smoking in the past...one time for 6 months. I never smoked when I was PG, but I never considered that "quitting"...I was just stopping until the baby was born !!
My main triggers now are also boredom and stress...two opposites for sure !! I remember when I had quit in the past, and finally gave in to the urge, and bought that pack of smokes and felt totally defeated. The smokes won !! Gosh, I hate that feeling.
I am really trying to hate every cig I smoke right now...telling myself I am stronger than the crap and chemicals they put in these things....that they can't control me anymore !! It's become my mantra.
I plan to quit mid-week, next week. Hopefully by then, I will have a mind-set that will make me feel good, and proud of myself when I wake up to a day with NO SMOKES...anger is a destructive emotion...but channeling it in a certain direction can be useful !!
Good luck to you !!!

[peter-s.]

Hi Kim & CarlieM, I hear both of you on the issues of anger, relapse and guilt. I've quit and relapsed before
this 6 month plus and final quit. I know I am just stronger than the urges now. To help cope with anger, I act
it out to my self in private to the target issue or person. Usually I end up laughing at myself or realizing that "It's
sure lucky that I didn't actually say what I really felt like saying. I think all EXs go through anger issues. Anger
can be so counterproductive so it is super important to anticipate anger triggers and plan how to remain polite but
active. It helps if you can "script" the situations that might cause you to be angry. Then if it gets heady, you really
do have an out: "Sorry I shouted, 'Kicking Butts ain't easy.' " Laugh it off, walk away, resolve the issue another day.
Remember: The Goal is to keep Anger from being a trigger. A relapse will only lead to anger and guilt. Don't smoke.

[reenie]

Dear KimW, don't give up the ship! Just keep focused and start over. Don't wait until the pack is empty....you can start over at any time. Just try to think of the most important reason why you want to quit and focus on that only. You will start to not want to smoke a cig eventually. Hang on when those urges hit, they only last a minute a two and if you can get past the first couple of them, then it makes it easier to get past the next ones. Sometimes it takes a few tries. And remember that your nicotine addiction wants you to think that it won... Don't let it! Keep reading and posting and e-mail as much as possible. It does get better.
Reenie