I was fixing lunch and had a really strong urge to smoke. I did not smoke, but wowsers, can those suckers (urges) be strong! What set me off is my question to myself. Bravo for resisting is the message to myself. Every urge resisted is one less urge to face and I'm that much stronger against the next one.
Back to what set me off? I'm not sure. I typically do not smoke after meals, but I'm remembering that I sometimes would put dinner on to cook and step outside and smoke. Maybe that's it, even though this was just lunch for myself.
The lesson for me to learn is to never let my guard down and think that I'm truly past all of the addictive junk. I must always be aware of the sneaky voice of the nicodemon.
On another note, I did take my walk today and my sister came out on her deck and smoked. I was distracted by the smell, even though it's upstairs and I'm walking on the ground. I noticed last night that I can smell it inside sometimes when she smokes outside. I am not going to tell her or ask her not to smoke on her own deck; she lives here with us and that's her space. As I was walking, I told myself I need to associate that smell with something like vomit or something that would make me want to vomit and to not be tempted, that it's not a good smell.
Okay, that's my brain drain for now.
Still strong on day 5.
