Positively Whimsically REAL!?!

[anaussiemom]

I feel that it is important that the Elderbies" get Real" to help the Newbies.

"G"   wrote something profound yesterday.  In a topic; She hated quitting"....  
That is important for me.    It's huge and it was profound learning I'm not alone in hating this quit!
  Knowing that the Elderbies"  did not appreciate the quit, or hated the quit;
  That is REAL!  I am a newbie, and whimsical , with other newbies"  (guilty).   I love reading how much it can actually suck"!  Quitting is not whimsical!  It hurts, it feels like a loss, of a loved one for many of us.  Yes we, know it is not a loss!  
Not the point all the time!
  We, Me, need and want, to know some of the ELDERBIES" tough time  Hating the quit, moments during  the beginning, quit.....  "G" and others have gotten real.
Newbies start this site everyday.  help us with hating the quit."
  Please get Real, tell us your stories, of how hard it is with a moment,of real in your quit. 
  It is no way unicorns and lollipops!

Even though, we must" and have to be, positive"  for the addictive receptors in our brains to heal one moment at a time if need be.

Hating the quit is very REAL!

[anaussiemom]

Im going to be really real with you  Giulia.  I can tell at some point you do your best to see things at a rational state of mind.   Due to possible deep pains of your own.  I may not be stating this, the way I mean for it to come across.   I feel sometimes from to much, of a rational perspective is a way of not feeling to much empathy.  Not that one can't , they have just chose over their life, to guard it.. I guess that is what I meant by intellectual" is keeping up a guard, of feeling to much at once.

I do it with humor, someone else may do it in other forms.  Nothing wrong with anyone's way. 

It is called coping and survival skills.   I feel everything, and don't know what to do with a hurt bug, or animal, or human, except love it the best that I can.  My empathy is overwhelms my brain sometimes.  But my intentions are pure such as yours, and most of us.  I do love you.  It took awhile to get past some our coping skills together.  Perhaps we have accepted that and embraced it now.  Which is divine, for me.

God put you" here for a reason in my life.  Everything he tried, wasn't enough, for me to learn from it.  Of course he knew the outcome before he tried like heck, to help me quit.   I have been here almost a year;  I think the last month, I may actually be learning how to cope with the pain.  Wouldn't that be amazing.  I can be stubborn, and tend to learn lessons slowly @ times.   Hugs Ms Giulia.  I do enjoy besting you at games. Although you are much more book smart than I when it comes to words and rhymes.

lol

[Giulia]

"I feel sometimes from to much, of a rational perspective is a way of not feeling to much empathy.  Not that one can't , they have just chose over their life, to guard it.. I guess that is what I meant by intellectual" is keeping up a guard, of feeling to much at once."

Quite right.  But if anything this dialogue should have shown you is that I do empathize.  SO much that I need that "rational perspective" in order to step back to survive.  Ellen and others on here can open their emotional veins to empathize and survive it.  I can't.  So, yes, you're quite right my needed "rational perspective" is my way of handing not only my own pain, but that of others as it strikes me emotionally.  But it doesn't mean I don't empathize with the pain.  Or don't understand it.  It's my coping mechanism.  You hit that right on the head.  And I think a healthy one.  I haven't been to a shrink nor am I on antidepressants because of my emotions.  BECAUSE I am able to take that "rational perspective" step back.  Because like you, humor gives us that needed different perspective.  

What I find really striking is your comment:  "Although you are much more book smart than I."    Such an odd concept to me.  I was put down so much because I wasn't "book smart" when I was in my early and mid 20s.  Was hanging out with a bunch of Princeton boys and man did they ever put me down for my lack of "book smarts."  I think I was actually told I was "stupid."  I never went to college. Had no interest whatsoever.  Hated the "learning" that I was "supposed" to get.  And felt stupid because that's what they were telling me I was.  

Until - one day I met a guy who said, "You have a fine brain.  Ain't nothing wrong with it.  You're not stupid.  You just don't have book learning, is all.  But what you DO know is wonderful.  And it's what you're interested in."  And I thought, wow, thanks, that's perhaps true.  And I've come to realize that I know a bookload of stuff on nature, and surviving in the land, that none of these oh so smart Princeton folk know.  I know a LOT of stuff.  I can chain saw up a tree and do some minor plumbing.  But it's not about history or economics, or math or....  And that's ok.  I can talk to you about bats and bugs and birds.   And I know a lot about the heart, because I haven't hidden so much from my own that I don't experience other's.

My "book learning" comes from the people I've met throughout my life who taught me the stuff of life.  I learn from people, not college courses.  That same guy taught me about language, the parsing of sentences, the love of words.  As does my husband.  I don't read books.  I get my information first hand from people.  (What better teachers?)  Or from the beauty of what you can glean from the internet.  I can tell you more about the natural world around us, than about World War II or American History.  Because I have spent the time - hours and hours of it - learning about those things that interest me.  But my "book smarts?," I doubt they're any greater than yours.  Though as an actress, words and their usage, have become interesting to me.  And so I have added onto my vocabulary and use it often and keep expanding it because I've come to love words and enjoy using them. 

"I feel everything, and don't know what to do with a hurt bug, or animal, or human, except love it the best that I can."   If we become so empathetic in our lives that we can no longer function in our lives, then that's not healthy, not good for us and we need to find that way to step back.  Humor is your way, rationalizing is my way.  I don't think we're any different.  I know I CAN'T go through my life bleeding for everything and everybody.  Then I become a total victim of my emotions and become frozen, incapable of doing anything.  Stuck inside my house because going out would bombard me with empathetic emotions.  I think emotional health is a recognition that yes, we feel, but that we also need to inure ourselves in order to survive.  We, who hurt so much, need coping mechanisms.  And there's nothing wrong with them.

We all learn lessons slowly at times.  But once we learn them - we never need a re-do!  lol

[anaussiemom]

For what ever reason, I tend to  take learned  lessons in life and re-do much to often......gah!

[anaussiemom]

Giulia    I am so sorry, if I hurt you with anything that I wrote.  I suck at expressing my thoughts at times. I certainly believe that had I grown up with just a wee bit of tough love,  I could better parent myself. 
Absolutely, you have empathy!  I did not mean to imply anything in an ugly light of your hard work at Ex.  I'm great for inserting foot in my mouth.  Think it may be my calling ...Gah!   I am learning that trolling you, the last couple weeks is a must to get thru, many times these days.  I mean that in the purest form of love.  I call you G cuz I have a bit of dyslexia. Cant always remember where the i goes or the u at times.     Hugs and Hugs Kim 

[Giulia]

You didn't hurt me, Kim.  Not at all.  I didn't feel you were disparaging me. You brought up subjects that are interesting.  And we expanded the dialogue.  And it gave me an opportunity to open myself in a way I haven't on here before.  To reveal some of my own vulnerability.  It's all good as far as I'm concerned.  I'm the "tell it like it is" kid, remember.  I like "really real."  I'm not into half truths and hidden meanings. That too is my way of coping.  Being bare.  No confusion.  No misinterpretations.  No smokescreens to hide behind.  

And you can call me the "girl who's name I can't spell," or whatever you like.  Half my friends and family can't spell it either!  

[anaussiemom]

Hugs Guliai
I am pretty real and edgy myself. 
As most know. 

I love substance!

[Bellegonia]

This conversation went beyond anything I can add for depth but just to add my 2 cents to the initial discussion about getting real and being honest about hating the quit... I put a LOT of thought into my plan when I quit so by the time the date got here and I actually survived the first day... then the next... and the next? I was ecstatic. I was empowered. People take their cues from the posters and what they post about so I'm glad you feel safe enough here to put it out there, what this experience means for you. My blogs were about the discoveries I was making about myself and the world of being a nonsmoker and the Elderbees helped support me in my mental masturbation. That's what we are all here for. I'm sorry you are having so many heartbreaking challenges. Watching someone die from alcoholism is similiar to watching someone die from lung cancer or emphysema... it's hard no matter what the age. I'm not surprised you are feeling hatred or any of the emotions you describe! Virtual hugs any time you need them!

Belle

[anaussiemom]

Thank you so much.  Hugs to you.

[Mandolinrain]

I hated waiting too. I knew I needed to but I still hated it. I had put the idea into my head that I LOVED to smoke and there would NEVER be a relaxing moment again for if when I quit. THAT was my biggest hurdle/fear.

Learning how my brains receptors were actually setting me up to smoke again every time I put one out, was like a light went on for me and I decided I had been 'lied to' by the crave itself.

YES it was horribly painful and I was miserable for a couple weeks...and even a few times in and out of the following first year...but I reminded myself of the deceit and stood up to it. I decided I would do whatever I had to do to rise above it. I still remind myself I am worth everything I have done to maintain my freedom and it is to beautiful and good to lose.

Now I look back and recall feeling so crappy, hateful, angry, and I see how well I am now. I still have moments when 'life happens'...we all do...but smoking over it does not come to mind at all anymore.

Freedom is a beautiful thing when it comes to quitting smoking but there was a VERY UGLY ME STAGE that I had to get through to get to where I am now. Thanks for the reminder  Hugs

[anaussiemom]

Thank you hugs