Personally discovering addiction definition

[Gwenivere]

Using patches, I expected a reaction dropping from 14 to 7.  A 50% drop would obviously make a difference.  What I didn’t expect was the huge occurrences of cold sweats, extremely annoying dizziness and tremors at times.  

I see the true addiction of this now.  I had been keeping the nicotine level at what I smoked and experienced withdrawal from the different delivery system.   Now I feel the real thing.  I’ve been at this lowered dose for 2 weeks now.  Everything is hard.  I can’t seem to get my bearings when I have to do things.  I shampooed my hair after I already had thinking it was conditioner.  I sit here and just zone out.  I still don’t want a cigarette, but I want my ability to focus back.  The simplest things are like puzzles I have to figure out that I did for years. 

I read that having an anxiety disorder makes this very different to manage.  It has become a problem.  I’ve been so tired I can barely get out of bed.  I’ve gained about 5 pounds and have changed nothing in my diet.  I guess that 200 calories a day smoking did is catching up since December.  

It was suggested to go back to 14mg. patches, but then I’d have to face this again or live with them forever.  It’s certainly better than smoking, but not really fighting the addiction.  This is certainly eye opening.  The depression is bad too.  

I’ve always had admiration for the strength for you all here that have racked up years of getting truly free.  It has grown immensely now that I’m really facing the nicotine monster.  Also for the newbies facing this fight.  I see why the relapse rate is high in No Mans Land cause I’m in the thick of it now.  Glad all of you are here.

[karenjones]

we are real life support....

[Gwenivere]

I certainly didn’t mean to imply all of you aren’t extremely important as I go thru this.  I just wish I had someone physically in my life I could talk with and lean on.  I’m so grateful for this group.  

[DonnaMarie]

Gwenivere wrote:

I know many will say there is nothing that can justify hanging on to nicotine.

Everyone's quit is different. Bravo to you for not smoking!

Donna

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

 Hey there!!

 Good to see you and glad you're still fighting!! I borrowed a friends laptop for a week so I could write my eight year anniversary post on the 20th. And you're right! Every time we lower our nicotine intake, we feel a bit of withdrawal. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. By the way, I just had the same thing happen to me in the shower except I put the conditioner on before I washed my hair and I don't even have an excuse!

 What I always tried to remember in the hard times was that the patch isn't going to make things perfect but it helps to keep us free. It's a tool. One that we eventually no longer need. The thing to remember is that though it's hard, you're making progress. And the progress you're making is POSITIVE progress.

 I never worried about the weight gain and over time, I lost that weight just as fast as I put it on. Please try to focus on the positive aspects of what you're doing. Perception can be everything at times. Hang in there! 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck 

[anaussiemom]

Completely  agree with Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 on what he advises 100%

Kudos


It most certainly seems that way!! ^^^

[elvan]

Gwenivere‌ I am really proud of you, I must say that I am so sorry that this has been such a difficult journey for you, I wish I could offer advice but I think you are doing what you need to do...staying smoke free.  Taking this one day at a time, one minute when you have to. You are DOING this.

Hugs,

Ellen

[maryfreecig]

And I'm glad you are here, sharing your quit journey with Ex. Keep it coming.

[Gwenivere]

Am in the ER as the dizziness and sense of standing imbalance has not let up for 2 weeks since dropping to 7mg. patches.  My O2 stats are really good.  Pain levels from back are getting intolerable.  An urgent care clinic day before yesterday said it could be vertigo.  Kinda coincidental.  I need some help in hopefully validating this IS withdrawl as being alone at home makes it very scary and causes a ton of anxiety.  Not that being here doesn’t.  Of course it’s a busy day and I haven’t gotten a room yet.  But they have done xrays and blood.  Now I need a doc.  It’s been hard as my eldest dog was hospitalized and needs help at home.  My counselor suggested this just for peace of mind.  Not that I like withdrawl, but I would feel better having that diagnosis.  I also haven’t had any human contact in days.  This interfered with volunteering.  I feel like a wimp, but I don’t know what else to do but sit at home scared.

[elvan]

PLEASE keep us posted so we know what is going on...I think it would really be helpful for you to know exactly what is going on, you have been through so much.  I hope that you can arrange for someone to help with the dog if that is necessary.  

Not having any human contact in days is really costly emotionally.  Please know that we are here and will help in any way that we can.

Hugs,

Ellen

[Gwenivere]

They said hypotension.  Lots of tests, 5 hours for 10 minutes with the doctor.  I hope this guy is right as the clinic Saturday said my ear was the problem and this guy didn’t even know you can now buy NRT's were over the counter.  

I did find the energy to touch up my roots for a pamper.  The blonde is much lighter than I usually use for streaking so this is gonna be soooooo obvious when it starts growing out.  Next time a darker blonde.  Seems this fogged brain can’t get anything right.  It’s been well over 60 days and I don’t have the patience virtue.

Dogs were going crazy because their filler to dinner green beans were over an hour late.  Canine priorities!  

I still think the nicotine drop is a big part of this.  This is really my true withdrawl kicking in as I started with NRT's about equalling my smoking.  Now I’m at half.  One of the docs suggested going back up a step and I said nope.  It’s just putting off the inevitable.  

Thanks, Ellen.