On week 4 and feeling disheartened...

[o2run]

I just found this place today. Thankfully. I almost just went out and bought a pack but I just keep thinking of the feeling AFTER I have that first puff if I did. I know I would be so upset with myself. I know I would regret it so horribly and it would put me right back to the start of the past miserable 3 weeks. I read Allen Carr's Easy way (listened actually) - it took me several months to read it, I kept putting it off. I was a secret smoker. Only a few people in my life knew that I did, and I took great precautions to keep it that way. I have always been a very healthy person, a long distance runner, and I'm a therapist (counselor). Besides the occasional cigarette in college when I was in Europe, I was someone that thought smoking was gross and stinky. Then 4 years ago when I met my ex husband, life took a downhill turn, and I stopped taking care of myself. I started joining him on the porch for a cigarette. I never bought my own, just had one of his once in awhile. That turned of course into the gradual and sneaky (and constantly justifying) habit that had me chain smoking my own American Spirits on the porch. Besides smoking with one of my best friends who helped the justification (she was healthy, active, fit) I only smoked at home. When I left my husband I assumed I would quit, but I didn't. It became my safe haven and routine. Since my office is next to my house I literally set up my sessions so I could have a nice block of time in the morning to sit outside, play a mindless game on my phone, and smoke cigarette after cigarette. I had a routine around keeping the secret- I went so far as to wear a hat and coat I only used to smoke in and even wear a plastic glove bc I hated the smell on my fingers. And then of course I scrubbed my face and mouth afterwards. 

I didn't know I was going to write a whole story here. I guess I'm just so disheartened bc I still feel the cravings. I don't want to smoke, I know I will regret it, and I've come this far- but I am so ready to not have that gnawing feeling in my chest/ back of throat that wants that relief. I have it every day. The first week was hell with other physical symptoms like basically not being able to function, but this gnawing feeling has not gone away. I'm trying to stay focused on the feeling of the run I went on the afternoon I made the decision- Feb 12. I went for a trail run and tried to pay attention to the shortage of my lung capacity and how little I could do (I think I ran about 3 miles and walked a bunch of it). I went on the same trail on Monday which was my 3 week mark. I ran 5 miles and felt fantastic. I know if I keep going I'm going to feel like my old self again somewhere down the line. But I didn't quite feel like Allen Carr had talked about. I'm kind of mad at him actually. I feel like he tricked me into thinking I'd feel like I new person in 3 weeks. In fact, that's exactly what he says. So I was holding off crossing days off on the calendar to get to 3 weeks. And I did it. But as I sit here typing I feel that heavy feeling/ craving still. 

Pounding my feet on the dirt is the only thing that drowns out this craving feeling. I have trouble concentrating and it's affecting my work and everything. I even started drinking more in the evenings to try to numb out that feeling. And THAT is certainly not a habit I can start. I've been trying to take a bunch of supplements to help as well. I love neuroscience and it's been helpful to learn as much as I can about the nicotine receptors, but I just assumed by now I would only be getting an occasional pang. I have the feeling pretty much all day long. 

My question is... I would love to hear your experiences around surviving these cravings, anything that helped? And how to deal with this frustration of COME ON already! It IS going to go away right? I have always been a massive wimp when it comes to discipline of uncomfortable feelings like this. I am so proud I made it this far but I feel like I'm hanging on a depression inducing thin thread. 

Any inspiration appreciated! Thank you. 

[PRAIRIEROSELADY]

Welcome and congrats on the 130 days!!!!!! Since alot of what I would say has been covered here.

I'll list a few suggestions........... You like to run and it makes you feel good........ SO RUN LIKE THE WIND!

Maybe shorten your runs and run a little extra with the worst cravings. (I don't run due to injuries) I do exercise everyday.

I get up and get moving, no matter what the time, until the craving passes. Or read,take up a hobby, you were always interested in and never made time for. Feel like your melting down????????? Hot shower or bath Help me........

I must ask???? Do you eat Breakfast????????? So many don't.... thinking about weight gain.. (Breakfast gives us fuel for our body to fight with. NEVER skip breakfast! I found out in other quits,my cravings were worse and my day was much harder.) Eat 3 balanced meals, allow yourself snacks and plenty of fluids. (You're body will thank you for it) I have

found my body needs lots of lean protein  to be content. I eat big variety of veggies and whole grains. I like my sugar and have that too... The other wise choices, have kept my wt. stable for decades. I Love my coffee, but I cut the amount of caffeine  by 1/2....  So I have 1/2 caf. in morning and decaf after that. I make my own mochas and lattes to keep the calories down to doesn't matter. I usually do 1 after supper, because I am choosing not to smoke.

Lots of moods swings came on my quit. Lots of sleep,then not such great sleep. You can't get to me attitude, to I can cry at the drop of a hat. Endless energy to no energy at all...........Active and wanting to be with people to needing time alone...... Always have had a very long fuse temper wise...to something now, I can be bent out of shape in the snap of a finger. What will tomorrow bring????????? I don't know???? I do my best to not think about it, just walk out this new life a step at a time.

I hope Everyone here has given you enough information to keep you positive and dug into your Quit.

I suggest whenever you think you can't make it, always come log in here 1st. The site has made the difference

in my total attitude towards this journey! Have an Awesome Weekend! Prairie 26 DOF....

[Eyes65]

You GOT this!!!!  I know how you feel.. I’m on week 4 also...  We are smoke-free and will remain that way... Please log into the site... There is so much support here..  I consider them my FAMILY!!!!   So welcome to the family!!!

[stmand92]

You can do this!! Take it a step and time and use the support you will receive on this site. It worked wonders for me. I think exercise, even just a small walk, will help you with the stress. Stay strong.