Nothing positive to say

[Fraydenz]

I decided 30 years ago, after smoking for 5 years already, that if nothing else killed me, I would hope like hell smoking would. Well, 30 years later I kind of regret that, but it is coming true. I have a lump in my throat and every time I think I am going to quit smoking - which is every fucking day - I go and get a sugary alcoholic drink that acts like Dayquil so I can "enjoy" smoking another day. By which I mean I freak the F out and get booze and smokes instead of quitting.

Obviously this last few years has been hard on everyone. I thought about going to AA but I live in a Trump town. I know people in AA and they don't even believe the virus is a thing. So I huddle in my trailer waiting to die, while the treatment specialists consider anyone who wears a mask to be a 'tard'.

Anyway, as far as I know there is no help, because that would be socialist or something. I would pull myself up by my own bootstraps like I'm supposed to, but I can barely breathe.

It was said I should type my thoughts, so here they are. I don't generally speak to anyone because all I can offer is depression. 

Thanks.

[Maki]

It's taken you some courage to try I can see that and I hope you give yourself a high five for that. Already you have learned that keeping cigarettes around is more of addictions lies ... having them around for safe keeping doesn't keep you safe from smoking them .

What makes you stronger is to douce them ..

I know I kept cigarettes at first thinking I am stronger than they , and I won't throw my ashtrays away and I won't tell others not to smoke and I'll keep a lighter ..  I believed that's what control over addiction was  but when they are gone smoking is off the table, it is not  an option , it's not controlling you and  you are taking your power back .  Control is peaceful transition , acceptance . 

I am proud of you .. I hope you see the huge strides you made just from this try and I have no doubt you can quit .. lean on our faith in you , until you begin to feel yourself , and trust me you will feel it . One day a t a time or even one hour at a time , breathe , walk the energy off , sleep if you must , read here all day if you must .. you can do this . 

[Thesegoto11]

I wouldn't let a perceived political environment in my neighborhood guide my medical decisions.  Listen to yourself.  Turn off the TV.  If you've got symptoms that concern you, seek medical advice.

[elvan]

I am so glad that so many people here jumped on to make sure that you are not alone. I HAD to water down my leftover cigarettes & then tear them into pieces. I found it to be cathartic. I had no cigarettes around, l came to EX every morning & every evening. I read blogs

& comments & l paid very close attention to what was working for others. I used the mantra NOPE, Not One Puff Ever to get me through. It gets easier when you accept that this is a journey & that cigarettes do nothing FOR you but lots TO you.

There are inpatient treatment centers connected with the Mayo Clinic...I remember thinking that was the only way l would ever be able to quit. I was wrong, EX helped me more than l can begin to tell you. It can & WILL help you as well. Please pay attention to all the comments, particularly to Thesegoto11‌! Turn on some music, dance, go for a walk! You CAN do this & it will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

We all want to help you in any way that we can.

Ellen

[Holly716]

My dear friend,

Please get help. Screw what everyone else thinks. It’s all about you and your health. Your mental, emotional, and physical health is the most important thing. Go to the AA meetings. Be the one who stands up and says Hey I have a problem, but I am going to work to solve this problem! I am a firm believer that when everyone else is following the crowd, you need to be the one who says Wait a minute! Stand up for yourself. And I am 100% sure you are not the only one who feels this way. Someone else feels this way and is scared to speak up. Lead by example, my friend. Enough is enough. Speak up, reach out for help. You can do this! I believe in you. As someone who suffers from mental illness, I can tell you that you are half way there to getting better. You acknowledge you have an addiction, and you have acknowledged that. I believe in you! And I believe once you get the help you need, you will be the one who helps others and speaks up and says Hey I felt like you did, please let me help you. 

[MistyNoMore]

I quit in 2013 using Chantix, this web site, plus read a booklet by Alan Carr that helped : The Easy Way to Stop Smoking (or something similar) which was very, very boring and very helpful.    I was in my 50s and did not believe I could ever do it.  I did not even WANT to do it.  But  I did, and I know you can too.  The main thing is this: you tell yourself over and over how impossible and hard it is, but that is a big fat lie!

[Fraydenz]

Thank you everyone. I didn't expect anything positive to come from posting here, but I've made more progress in the last few days than I have in ages. My brother said once you get other people involved in something, it becomes more real and things happen. I guess it's true. 

I have been extremely depressed the last year (like many) and just let myself sink, deciding that if what I'm doing kills me, I'm ok with that because F all this, I'm fine with my role as a 2020 statistic. That's depression talking, I know.

Anyway, not ok with that anymore. 

I did get smokes yesterday, even tho I was doing well, kind of a last attempt of my negativity trying to prove that I am indeed a failure. "See? You bought smokes, you cannot do this." So I smoked about 1/2 of them, did not enjoy any of them, and gave the rest away.

Today I started out with the gum again and am doing well. I imagine I will need to start a new thread somewhere that does not start out with spewing bile lol. From AA, I know that even that stuff can be helpful for others, but still.

Thanks folks!

Mike

[Rosie1917]

I have to keep my depression in check too.  I have a little peice of paper taped up on my fridge that says, "This too shall pass" and I tell it to myself at least once a day. More now that I've quit cigarettes. The last year has been SO isolating. A little group like this, while not the same as in person meetings and events, has been insanely helpful. I'm really glad to see you lookin' on the bright side of life (doo doot, doo doot doo doo doo doot). 

Have you thought about setting a quit date? From what I've read, you can pick a date about 2 weeks out, and then use that time to load up your toolkit with everything you might need as you continue your journey to kick this drug addiction.

It's a lot, but its worth it. 

We are ALL rootin' for ya! 

I'll send you a play that Giulia wrote. I just read it the day before yesterday and it was bloody amazing (and short too!) I think it'll really inspire you, and definitely help you see just how not alone you are. 

Keep up the amazing work of always working on being the best version of you. ♡ 

Cheers!

-Rosie (day 6, it's a rough one!)

[Giulia]

Rosie1917 Re the play:  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2016/09/06/a-quit-dialogue-in-iv-acts?sr=search&searchId=1be0be41-ba6f-4a19-87f7-... "(and short too!)"  Well I wouldn't call it that exactly!  lol  But if that encourages anybody to read it, a little exaggeration is always good.

Fraydenz  Mike, if you stick around here long enough I think you'll find that your attitudes changes.  From a minus to a plus.  But you have to work on it, just as much as you have to work on quitting.  Negatives are the easy way out.  Life for the most part doesn't go the way we wish.  That's just what is.  But one of the things I've learned through the quitting process is that I'm in charge of how I feel depending upon what I choose to dwell.  Just as quitting is a choice, so is our attitude towards how we perceive it and all the rest of the stuff of our lives.  The fact that you're no longer okay with your depression creating your day's moods, is the first step to moving forward.  First we become aware, then we pay attention, then we can change it.  I find asking myself questions helps to break a cycle of negative thinking.  First I have to catch myself.  "Oh, look at the way I'm thinking.  That's kind of not happifying.  Do I want to continue to think this way?  If not, what can I do to think a different way?"  Just those four sentences, for example, are enough to start me heading in a different direction.  Actually just this one sentence enables me to take that step back:  "What am I supposed to learn from this experience?"  The minute I think that, ask that question,  the negative is transformed into a positive.  "How is this experience supposed to benefit me?"  Not "will this experience benefit me?"  I accept that I'm here to evolve, to learn, to grow, to become the Best that I can be.  I know that I feel crummy when I'm acting as the Least that I can be.  Think about your thoughts as you're thinking them.  And then decide if you want to continue heading in that direction.  That's really what it all about.  Much easier said than done, but as I said, it takes work.  A lot of us who have successful quits did a lot of self-analysis to get here.  And some did nothing but put the cigarettes down and never looked back.  Each to their own.  Just find what works for you.  Experiment.  Keep an open mind.  But it sure helps if you can get EXCITED about the whole thing.  

[elvan]

Hey Mike, hope you are doing okay today. Let us know, obviously, we care.

Ellen

[SuzyQ411]

Welcome to our EX Family, Mike Fraydenz‌. I have a feeling from all of the good posts the people above have given to you that you may sense there is power here : The power of caring people to help one another. The information and suggestions given to you in these posts can energize you and lend direction to your desires for a better life.

The Alan Carr book a number of those above have mentioned can be purchased from Amazon for $14.99 

Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking   AND he also has another book to help quit drinking 

Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker (Allen Carr's Easyway) also on Amazon, for $12.12. Perhaps you might check these out? 

BTW, Mr. Carr's book on quitting smoking was most helpful in my quit.

I also hope you will schedule a doctor's appointment in the near future, requesting a telephone consult if you are Covid-leery of going into a medical office.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I wish you well !!

~  Suzy (One year totally free of cigarettes after being a heavy smoker for more than 60 years).