Not trusting myself

[Anya]

I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I was supposed to have met 100 dof, but I had dropped out of sight. I smoked. Not everyday, but at least 1-2 times a month since the new year. I know what my trigger is: feelings of extreme stress and depression. And my mind tells me that I can't possibly survive that stress without smoking. I don't drink or smoke pot. Cigarettes have been my last refuge when my life blows apart.

I'm sorry that I let myself and this community down.

I truly want to trust that I can withstand any stressor on my own 2 feet without smoking. I know this is my responsibility. And I will work on reaching out for help and support. I'm doing a great job of beating myself up about this...and need to turn it around with positive action (posting and being real about this addiction).

I'm on day 8 of not smoking right now. 

Anya

[paulh]

Hi Anya. I have been going thru and feeling the same way as you. Keep coming to this site and don't give up.

[Anya]

Thanks, PaulH. Lets support each other and make this quit a forever quit!

[paulh]

sounds good.

[Shorty721]

So you slipped up don't feel ashamed it's an addiction. Just pick yourself up and move on from here.

[GyorgyiM]

You don't need to apologize to ANYONE! Especially to your comrades in arms. WE of all people "get it"...slip or no slip. Would you disown a family member if he or she confessed to a situation that made themselves feel uneasy? NO..

We can all fall down 100 times, but guess what? there will be 200 arms to pick you up....(so to speak). It takes a brave soul to bow their head, but do it for yourself with dignity that you will rise above this addiction. WE know you can, and WE will be here NO MATTER WHAT......I don't need to know you personally, nor face to face to care....because in this group we are all adopted family....

Miles of Smiles...

G.

[Anya]

 Your words are so compassionate.  It's hard to ask for help and even hard to feel supported. But I do now:)  Thank you.

[maryfreecig]

    You are your last refuge from stress...not the smokes as you have pointed out by the fact even smoking a little makes you feel terrible about it. Growing your smobriety means comiing to understand that you have everything you need to deal with what you have to deal with one day at a time. My hope for you it that you will give yourself a chance to know that dealing with stress without smoking is not a chore but natural.

[Anya]

That just makes me smile. This quitting is a spiritual journey in so many ways.

"Growing your smobriety means comiing to understand that you have everything you need to deal with what you have to deal with one day at a time." Beautiful.

[elvan]

Anya‌ I am SO GLAD that you are back!

[Anya]

Thank-you so so much. I'm glad you're here to welcome me back! You have so much heart...which you so generously share.

Anya