NML and NRTs and NSVs

[kindofodd]

Today doesn't feel like day one. It might feel like day 4 though. No man's land sucks. 49 days in and the cravings seriously don't seem to be going any further away. I feel like a fraud. Like I'm just faking being quit until my next cigarette. I was talking to a friend of mine who has not smoked in 5 years. He doesn't consider himself quit. "I didn't quit. I just haven't smoked". After 5 years he's still faking it until his next cigarette. Can't quite figure out if that's encouraging or discouraging.

Maybe I tried weaning myself from nicotine replacement therapy (gum) too soon. Maybe it's because I shouldn't have been using NRTs in the first place. I also don't use the gum right. I can't park it for more than a minute. I tend to chaw the sh*t out of it much to my bf's dismay. He'd rather I smoke than listen to that. Now I'm at a place where I'm running out of gum and stressing because I'm not sure if I should buy more or struggle through that withdrawal too. 

Ho-hum. I'll figure it out.

In the dieting world they often talk about non-scale victories. Think I need help finding non-smoking victories to keep me motivated. I've kept the extra 50lbs I was carrying around with me off for the last 3 years so I can do this too... and without gaining all the weight back. So far so good on that front.

a) I haven't smoked b) I haven't gained weight.

And that is where my NSV list ends because I'm craving and can't focus.

Hahaha- it just occurred to me that I don't actually even need feedback from ya'll. What I needed was to vent. Thanks once again for giving me a place to do that.

Love ya'll

[PastTense]

You and me both, kindofodd‌.  I don't feel like I am making an progress AT ALL.

Like, by now I should at least be able to imagine a future that is smoke-free, instead of a future that is one long withdrawal.

I have heard alcholics refer to "dry drunks", which is a person who isn't drinking but hasn't really changed their behavior.

I wonder what behavior of mine a still need to change to get over that hurtle?  This ins't a rhetorical question.  I could use some insight.

PT

[YoungAtHeart]

PastTense Change up ALL your routines.  Are you doing the same things, in the same sequence, that you did as a smoker?  If so - don't.  Get right up in the AM, put on your tennies and take a quick walk, THEN your shower, THEN your coffee, maybe while checking in here.  Change up the furniture where you used to smoke so the view is different.  Explore different routes to your normal places to go.  That will give you new scenery to enjoy.  In the car, keep a cold bottle of water from which to sip, and play tunes full volume and sing along.  At work, still take a break, but go for a quick walk.  Get the idea?  You are relearning your life as an ex-smoker - not someone who continues to do the same-old, same-old but just doesn't smoke! 

Hope this helps.

Nancy

[kindofodd]

I'm both sorry that you are struggling and happy to hear I'm not alone. We're gonna refocus and get through this.

[YoungAtHeart]

You are feeling just as you should at this point in your journey.  It's why we decided to give a name to it.  It's normal to feel as though it's never going to end, that you are never going to not think about smoking. 

The good news is that it DOES end, there WILL come a time (and soon) when you will realize at lunchtime that you didn't think of smoking at all that morning.  Those periods will increase in length.  I don't remember exactly when, but I can tell you that there WILL come a time when you can't remember what it was like to be a smoker.  I think about it frequently - but only to enjoy how wonderful it is to be FREE!  Sitting for hours in an airport, I realize how calm I feel and marvel that it is so.  I remember it being sheer torture when I was a smoker.   Or they are calling for a storm, and I am not worrying about (or going to the store to buy) cigarettes for the duration. 

You are almost THERE!  Stay committed!

Nancy

[kindofodd]

Thanks Nancy. That does help.

Rather than doing something different during breaks/lunch I've just stopped taking breaks/lunch. Probably not the best idea.

I was very well-prepared for day one... I bought fidget toys and planned activities and started a book and drank water. You made me realize I've stopped doing those things. Guess I'll go pretend it's day one again.

Xoxo

[sweetplt]

I am so glad kindofodd that you came and vented...during NML..you may find you will have to do that often...Hope this evening is relaxing and without a crave...~ Colleen 251 DOF 

[Sootie]

Vent whenever you want to......that's one of the reasons we are here.

May I add two more to your list (and BY THE WAY-----HUGE KUDOS on keeping the weight off that you lost! That's tough)

Adding to the list

> I'll bet you smell much better!

>I'll bet you are finding more and more spare change in your pocket than when you were buying cigarettes

Keep adding to this list........I'll bet you'll see it growing every day.

[marciem]

Congratulations on your 49 days!!  That is really a big accomplishment, the early quit is the hardest!

I'm sorry NML is being such a slog for you.  I likened it to "quicksand" and if I didn't keep slogging I would sink back into addiction so that kept me one-stepping it.

"Fake it til you make it" is also a common phrase for quitters.  If you think you're a quitter, or have quit... eventually it will become your reality.  Working on your mindset is very important.  I don't want you to be like your friend who still thinks he is just a long time between smokes. 

I have 7 years without smoking, and I know I will never smoke again.  I'm a nonsmoker.  But it took some real work on my own self-talk and mindset to get here.  At the beginning I kept wondering "Where is this wonderful freedom everyone talks about??/ I think of cigarettes and smoking/not smoking 24/7, you call that freedom? What's so wonderful about this???" 

But it does get better, and if you put in the work now and claim your nonsmoker status, being a non/ex smoker  (rather than "a long time between smokes") will become your reality.

Best to you, and vent away!!

[avian3]

I had to do a lot of faking it until I made it. In my early quit I had to fake I was happy to be a non smoker, fake  I didn't want to yell at someone, fake I had nothing to complain about, fake I had a lot of energy, fake I was not eating a half gallon of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream in one sitting and fake so many other things. There did come the time when I did not have to fake any of it. Just remember it will happen to you too. Going through all this is so worth it. Just don't give up, no matter what happens.